1
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:05,128
Ross kissed me.
2
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,768
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
3
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:10,406
It was unbelievable!
4
00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:13,703
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
5
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,278
Let's hear everything.
6
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,082
Monica, get the wine
and unplug the phone.
7
00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:21,782
Rachel, does this end well
or do we need to get tissues?
8
00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:24,290
It ended very well.
9
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:28,292
Do not start without me!
Do not start without me!
10
00:00:28,561 --> 00:00:31,121
Okay. All right.
Let's hear about the kiss.
11
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:33,730
Was it a soft brush
against your lips...
12
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,663
...or was it a "I gotta have you now"
kind of thing?
13
00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:42,234
Well, at first it was really intense,
you know? And then...
14
00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:45,808
Oh, God. And then we just
sort of sunk into it.
15
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,607
So was he holding you?
Or were his hands on your back?
16
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:53,285
No, actually, first
they started out on my waist...
17
00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:56,111
...and then they slid up
and were in my hair.
18
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:00,424
And...
19
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:01,957
...then I kissed her.
20
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:02,991
Tongue?
21
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:04,991
- Yeah.
- Cool.
22
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:10,660
The One With the List
23
00:01:52,011 --> 00:01:54,070
All right, check out this bad boy!
24
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:57,611
Twelve megabytes of RAM,
500-megabyte hard drive...
25
00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:59,646
...built-in spreadsheet capabilities...
26
00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:03,685
...and a modem that transmits
at over 28,000 BPS.
27
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:05,785
What will you use it for?
28
00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:08,388
Games and stuff.
29
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,890
There are no jobs.
There are no jobs for me.
30
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,894
Oh, wait, here's one.
31
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:19,898
- Would you be willing to cook naked?
- There's an ad for a naked chef?
32
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:24,839
No, but if you'll cook naked, then
you might be willing to dance naked.
33
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,510
And then...
34
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:32,343
So how'd you make out last night?
35
00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:38,724
That is funny.
That is painfully funny.
36
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:40,323
No, wait, wait.
37
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:42,857
Yeah, that's just painful.
38
00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:46,189
Wait a minute.
I thought last night was great.
39
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,297
Yeah, it was.
But I get home...
40
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:51,695
...and I see Julie's saline solution
on my night table...
41
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,403
...and I think,
"My God! What am I doing?"
42
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:57,508
Here I am with Julie,
this incredible, great woman...
43
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,406
...who I care about
and who cares about me...
44
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,739
...and I'm just
throwing all that away?
45
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,340
You got all that
from saline solution?
46
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:10,947
I'm the same way. Show me a bottle
of wine. And I'm like, Wow, who am I?
47
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:16,491
Wait. We're talking about Rachel.
You and Rachel.
48
00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:19,664
I've been dreaming about
me and Rachel for 10 years.
49
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:21,628
But now I'm with Julie.
50
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:24,734
So it's like, me and Julie,
me and Rachel.
51
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:27,063
Me and Julie, me and Rach
52
00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:28,866
Rachel! Rachel.
53
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,202
- Hey, you.
- How are you?
54
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,910
Good. How are you?
55
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,146
Good.
56
00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:38,015
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie?
57
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:39,781
Julie!
58
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:42,651
How are you?
59
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,049
Good.
60
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,888
So everybody's here.
61
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:48,685
Everybody's good.
62
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,163
Good, Great, and here!
63
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,595
Were you gonna play something?
64
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,871
- Well, actually
- Play it!
65
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,268
All right.
66
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,605
- Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses.
- What?
67
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,414
Okay. Hi.
68
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,183
Hello. Hi. Okay.
69
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,745
This is a song about a love triangle...
70
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:18,990
...between three people I made up.
71
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,557
It's called
"Two of Them Kissed Last Night."
72
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,831
There was a girl
We'll call her Betty
73
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:36,337
And a guy
Let's call him Neil
74
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:40,910
Now I can't stress
This point too strongly
75
00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:43,342
This story isn't real
76
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:51,218
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside
77
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:53,651
Will Betty be the one
Who he loves truly
78
00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:57,225
Or will it be the one
Who we'll call Loolie
79
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:03,197
He must decide
He must decide
80
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,802
Even though I made him up
He must decide
81
00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:12,976
Well, this is a nice resume.
82
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,547
Nice, nice, nice.
83
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:17,709
Muy impressivo.
84
00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:20,184
Shame! It not all true.
85
00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:23,188
Forget it.
86
00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:27,192
No, it's all true.
I'm just a little nervous, that's all!
87
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,490
I am fine now.
88
00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:33,430
Mr. Rastatter, what does this
job entail? The ad wasn't clear.
89
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,132
Macholate.
90
00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:38,231
- I'm sorry?
- Macholate.
91
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,699
It's a synthetic chocolate substitute.
92
00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:45,534
Go ahead, try a piece.
93
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:48,770
We think Macholate is
even better than chocolate.
94
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:49,982
All right.
95
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,123
I love how it crumbles.
96
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:04,695
- You see, chocolate doesn't do that.
- No, ma'am.
97
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:08,767
We should be getting
our FDA approval any day now.
98
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:12,904
Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving.
99
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:15,573
The way we see it,
chocolate dominates...
100
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:20,609
...your major food-preparation holidays.
Easter, Christmas, what have you.
101
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,905
But given the right marketing...
102
00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:25,616
...we can make Thanksgiving
the Macholate holiday.
103
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:28,084
Wow.
104
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,953
Aren't you gonna swallow that?
105
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:34,091
Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.
106
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,726
Isn't that great?
107
00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:39,559
Well, anyhow...
108
00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:43,290
...we're looking for chefs
who can create Thanksgiving recipes.
109
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:44,763
You interested?
110
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:45,834
Abso...
111
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:48,364
...- lutely!
112
00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:53,767
I love creating recipes,
I love Thanksgiving, and now...
113
00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:55,172
...I love Macholate.
114
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:56,470
Really?
115
00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:59,343
Especially that aftertaste.
I tell you...
116
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,610
...that'll last you till Christmas.
117
00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:07,658
How about Macholate mousse?
118
00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:09,320
It's not...
119
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,153
...very Thanksgiving-y.
120
00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:14,155
How about Pilgrim Macholate mousse?
121
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:16,360
What makes it Pilgrim?
122
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,532
We'll put buckles on it.
123
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,302
Did Ross call?
124
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,203
No, I'm sorry.
125
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,543
Why didn't he call?
126
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:29,572
He's gonna stay with Julie.
127
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,874
He's gonna stay with her
and she'll be:
128
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,380
"Hi, I'm Julie. Ross picked me.
129
00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:38,714
We'll get married and have lots
of kids and dig up stuff together!"
130
00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:43,054
No offense, but that
sounds nothing like her.
131
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:50,025
What am I gonna do?
This is like a complete nightmare!
132
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:54,399
I know. This must be so hard.
"Oh, no! Two women love me!
133
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:59,006
They're both gorgeous,
my wallet's too small for my 50s...
134
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:01,713
...and my diamond shoes are too tight!"
135
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,676
- Here's a thought
- Don't ever touch the computer.
136
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,884
Ross, listen.
I got two words for you:
137
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,316
Threesome.
138
00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,559
You still have another
word if you wanna use it.
139
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:25,359
Hey, I think I know what is it, HELP!
140
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,368
Let's get logical about this.
We'll make a list.
141
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:31,008
"Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons."
142
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,910
We'll put their names
in different fonts...
143
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,584
...and I can use different
colors for each column.
144
00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:42,213
Can't we use a pen?
145
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:44,352
No, Amish boy.
146
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,988
Let's start with the cons
because they're more fun.
147
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,092
Rachel first.
148
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,257
I don't know.
149
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:55,027
I mean...
150
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:59,762
All right, I guess you can say
she's a little spoiled sometimes.
151
00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:01,900
You could say that.
152
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:07,745
I guess, sometimes
she's a little ditzy, you know?
153
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:11,014
And I've seen her be a little
too into her looks.
154
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,742
And Julie and I have
a lot in common...
155
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:16,886
...because we're both
paleontologists, right?
156
00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:18,953
But Rachel's just a waitress.
157
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,590
Waitress.
158
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,128
Got it.
You guys want to play Doom?
159
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,957
Or we could keep doing this.
160
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:30,929
What else?
161
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:32,901
I don't know.
162
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:37,442
Oh! Her ankles are a little chubby.
163
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,609
Okay, let's do Julie.
164
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:42,141
What's wrong with her?
165
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:47,751
She's not Rachel.
166
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:52,823
This is pumpkin pie
with a Macholate crust.
167
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:56,722
This is Macholate cranberry cake,
and these are Macholate-chip cookies.
168
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,054
Just like the Indians served.
169
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:03,565
Oh, my God!
170
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:04,800
"Oh, my God" good?
171
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:08,631
Oh, my God! I can't believe
you let me put this in my mouth.
172
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:13,370
Sweet Lord!
This is what evil must taste like!
173
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,214
I tell you, it won't print.
174
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:25,116
I pressed that button, like, 100 times.
175
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,291
For a hotline, you're not so hot.
176
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:31,457
What is that in the background?
177
00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:33,129
Are you watching Star Trek?
178
00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:42,904
So how was going with Julie.
Did you break her heart?
179
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:48,903
It was horrible. She cried, I cried.
She threw things, they hit me.
180
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:52,944
I did the right thing.
181
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:55,777
So Spock actually hugs his father?
182
00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:59,552
Hey, do you guys have
183
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:04,727
Where you going?
184
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:07,330
I just got back...
185
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:09,795
...from Julie's.
186
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,494
No, no.
187
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,602
It's not what you think.
188
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,467
It's the other thing.
189
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,578
Well, what's the other thing?
What do I think?
190
00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:31,015
Well...
191
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,449
He broke up with Julie!
192
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,254
Well, go hug her, for God's sakes!
193
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,630
Really?
194
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:40,797
Really.
195
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,799
It's always been you, Rach.
196
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,697
Oh, God.
197
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,941
Oh, this is good.
198
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:01,210
- This is really good.
- I know. I know.
199
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,010
It's almost...
200
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:12,722
What do you say we take a walk?
Just us. Not them.
201
00:12:12,998 --> 00:12:15,558
- Let me get my coat.
- Okay. No, hey!
202
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,868
I'll get your coat.
203
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:28,610
He's going to get my coat.
He's going to get my coat, Joey!
204
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:32,975
Joey, I can't believe this!
This is unbelievable!
205
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,652
- What's that?
- What? Nothing!
206
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:41,190
- I saw my name. What is it?
- No, no, see? See?
207
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,223
It's printing!
208
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:44,525
It's printing!
209
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,861
Let me see!
210
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,692
Hey, someone order a coat?
211
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:53,234
Chandler wrote something about me
and won't let me see.
212
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:55,303
He won't? He won't!
213
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:58,867
Because isn't that...
214
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:01,204
...the short story you were writing?
215
00:13:02,314 --> 00:13:04,441
Yes, it is a short story...
216
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:05,944
...that I was writing.
217
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,049
And I'm in it?
Let me read it.
218
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,252
No!
219
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:15,354
- Come on!
- Hey, why don't you read it to her?
220
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:26,730
All right.
221
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:37,946
"It was summer.
222
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,817
And it was hot.
223
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,480
Rachel was there.
224
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,985
A lonely gray couch.
225
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,162
'Oh, look! ' cried Ned.
226
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,934
And the kingdom was his forever.
The end!"
227
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,871
That's all you wrote?
You're the worst writer in the world!
228
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,770
This isn't funny anymore.
229
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:11,983
There's something about me
on that paper, and I want to see it.
230
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:13,308
No, you don't.
231
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,757
All right, fine. If you guys want
to be children, that's fine.
232
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:21,584
I do not need to see it!
233
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:29,164
What is this?
234
00:14:29,568 --> 00:14:30,830
That is...
235
00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:33,334
What is this?
236
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:35,199
- Thank you.
- Good luck.
237
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:41,978
Okay. Just remember how crazy
I am about you, okay?
238
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:43,337
"Kind of ditzy"?
239
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,680
"Too into her looks"?
240
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,053
"Spoiled"?
241
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:51,846
A little spoiled. He was supposed
to type "little," the idiot!
242
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,189
"Just a waitress"?
243
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:58,223
Now that was...
244
00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:00,790
I mean, as opposed to...
245
00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:04,666
Okay, is this over yet? Rach?
246
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:08,838
I do not have chubby ankles!
247
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,200
No! I
248
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:13,570
Okay, look at the other side.
Look at Julie's column.
249
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,913
"She's not Rachem"?
250
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:18,747
What the hell's a Rachem?
251
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,075
Is that a stupid paleontology word...
252
00:15:21,353 --> 00:15:23,651
...I wouldn't know,
because I'm just a waitress?
253
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:25,723
Rach, come on!
254
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,757
It's "She's not Rachel"!
255
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,859
She's not...
256
00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:41,236
My diary! Brilliant!
257
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:45,273
If I'd said it was my diary,
she wouldn't have made me read it.
258
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:50,039
That's true. You'd be a great person
to have around after an emergency.
259
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:53,881
I cannot believe Ross
even made this list.
260
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:56,553
- I know.
- What a dinkus!
261
00:15:57,823 --> 00:16:00,951
Hey, cut him some slack.
It was Chandler's idea.
262
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,589
What?
263
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:05,296
Oh, good. I was hoping
that would come up.
264
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:07,930
This was your idea?
265
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:12,603
Let's get some perspective here.
These things happen for a reason.
266
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,465
Yeah. You!
267
00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:20,105
Pheebs, back me up. You believe
in that karma crap, don't you?
268
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:24,144
By the way, good luck
in your next life as a dung beetle.
269
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:43,034
Rach!
270
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,337
Hey! Open up! Please?
271
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:52,609
When somebody does not buzz you in,
Ross, that means, "Go away."
272
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,006
It doesn't mean,
"Climb up the fire escape."
273
00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:57,839
I just want to read you
your "Pro List."
274
00:16:58,317 --> 00:16:59,477
Not interested.
275
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:04,684
"Number one:
The way you cry at game shows.
276
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:08,682
Number two:
How much you love your friends.
277
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:12,920
Number three: The way you play
with your hair when you're nervous.
278
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:17,032
Number four: How brave you are
for starting your life over.
279
00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:20,362
Number five:
How great you are with Ben.
280
00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:23,300
Number six: The way you smell."
281
00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:26,635
What are you doing?
282
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:28,703
You want to open the window?
283
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:29,844
Oh, yeah.
284
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,881
- What are you doing out there?
- I'm...
285
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:36,620
You must be freezing.
You know what you need?
286
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,949
How about a nice, steaming
cup of hot Macholate?
287
00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:45,288
Come on, open up.
288
00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:49,600
Rach, come on.
You gotta give me another chance.
289
00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:50,831
No.
290
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:53,996
- No?
- That's what I said.
291
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,263
Maybe we should go.
292
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,599
You don't have to go.
We're done.
293
00:17:57,876 --> 00:17:59,366
I know how you must
294
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:01,272
No! You don't, Ross.
295
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:05,747
Imagine the worst things
you think about yourself.
296
00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:10,215
How would you feel if the person
you trusted most in the world...
297
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,083
...not only thinks them too...
298
00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:16,259
...but actually uses them
as reasons not to be with you.
299
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:20,931
No, but see, I want to be with you
in spite of all those things.
300
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:24,460
Well, that's mighty big of you.
301
00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:25,599
I said, don't go!
302
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:30,703
You know what?
303
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:35,710
If it were the other way around, there
is nothing you could put on a list...
304
00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:38,575
...that would make me
not want to be with you.
305
00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:42,512
Well, then I guess that's
the difference between us.
306
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,188
See, I'd never make a list.
307
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:05,467
I never know how long to wait
in this situation before you can talk.
308
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:08,977
Maybe a little longer.
309
00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:17,612
In these recipes,
the quantities may seem unusual.
310
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:20,892
Like these coconut Macholate
holiday nut bars?
311
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:24,186
I've indicated four cups of coconut
and four cups of nuts...
312
00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:27,489
...and only one tablespoon
of Macholate.
313
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,459
Doesn't matter.
314
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,837
Our FDA approval didn't come through.
315
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,972
Something about laboratory rats.
316
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,166
Gosh, I'm sorry.
317
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:40,207
Yeah.
318
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,810
Anyhow, here's your check.
319
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:46,447
Thank you for all the trouble
you went through.
320
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:50,945
Listen, you didn't eat a lot of it
while you were cooking, did you?
321
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,623
Well, I ate some.
322
00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:55,587
Oh, some is fine.
Some is not a lot.
323
00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:59,930
So it doesn't burn
when you pee, does it?
324
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,145
Is that him again?
325
00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:23,113
Tell him I'd come to the phone,
but my ankles are weighing me down.
326
00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:27,883
I don't think this is the best time.
327
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:31,026
Look, can you do something for me?
328
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:32,627
Sure. What?
329
00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:37,669
All right.
330
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:42,331
Music?
331
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:43,939
Sure.
332
00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:54,083
The next one's dedicated
to Rachel from Ross.
333
00:20:54,386 --> 00:20:57,184
Rachel, he wants you to know
he's sorry for what he did...
334
00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:00,186
...and he hopes you can forgive him.
335
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:04,995
See the stones set in your eyes
336
00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:09,291
See the thorn twist in your side
337
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:13,464
I'll wait for you
338
00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:21,910
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
339
00:21:22,581 --> 00:21:27,177
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
340
00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:31,786
And I'll wait without you
341
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:36,925
We've just gotten a call from Rachel
and she told us what Ross did.
342
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:40,130
It's pretty appalling.
And, Ross, if you're listening...
343
00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:43,094
...I don't want to play
your song anymore.
344
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:51,672
Why don't we devote our time
to a couple that stands a chance?
345
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,377
Avery, Michelle's sorry
she hit you with her car...
346
00:21:54,613 --> 00:21:56,808
...and she hopes you two
will work it out.
347
00:21:57,683 --> 00:22:00,151
There's a room where
348
00:22:00,452 --> 00:22:03,785
I can go
349
00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:08,549
And tell my secrets to
350
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:12,296
In my room
351
00:22:16,368 --> 00:22:18,928
In my room
352
00:22:30,982 --> 00:22:32,847
Thanks for coming in again.
353
00:22:33,151 --> 00:22:35,847
Not at all. I have no morals,
and I need the cash.
354
00:22:36,455 --> 00:22:38,252
It's like I'm looking in a mirror.
355
00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:42,585
Anyway, they're called Fish-tachios.
356
00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:46,289
They taste exactly
like pistachios...
357
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:49,523
...but they're made
of reconstituted fish bits.
358
00:22:50,068 --> 00:22:51,626
Here, try one.
359
00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:54,865
- All right.
- You're not allergic to anything?
360
00:22:55,741 --> 00:22:56,537
Cat hair.
361
00:22:56,775 --> 00:22:58,174
Oh, sorry.
|
1
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,360
Росс меня поцеловал
2
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,760
Боже мой, боже мой, боже мой!
3
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,320
Сама не верю!
4
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:14,440
Боже мой, боже мой, боже мой!
5
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,080
Мы хотим услышать все
6
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,920
Моника, тащи вино
и отключай телефон
7
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,520
Рэйчел, все кончилось хорошо
или понадобятся салфетки?
8
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,480
Все кончилось очень хорошо
9
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,480
Не начинайте без меня,
не начинайте без меня!
10
00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,200
Так, так. Поподробнее про поцелуй
11
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,720
Это было как мягкой кисточкой
по губам...
12
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,640
Или типа "Я тебя сейчас трахну!"
13
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:41,800
Начали мы довольно страстно,
а потом...
14
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:45,240
Потом мы просто утонули в нем
15
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,920
Он тебя обнимал?
Или так, держал руки на спине?
16
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:52,480
Нет, вначале он держал их на талии
17
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:56,640
...а потом скользнул вверх
к волосам
18
00:00:58,360 --> 00:00:59,320
А потом
19
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,760
Потом я ее поцеловал
20
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:01,800
С языком?
21
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,200
- Ага.
- Круто.
22
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:12,240
"Список Росса"
(2 сезон, 8 серия)
23
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:51,720
А ну-ка зацените штучку
24
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:55,120
Двенадцать мегабайт памяти,
пятьсот мегабайт жесткого диска
25
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,040
Вся программная начинка
26
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,040
И модем на скорости
28 килобит в секунду
27
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,520
А зачем он тебе?
28
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,960
В игры играть
29
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,800
Нету здесь работы!
Для меня нет работы!
30
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,240
Погоди-ка, вот есть!
31
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:16,440
- Хочешь работать голым поваром?
- Что, набирают голых поваров?
32
00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:21,200
Нет, но если готовить голой,
то сможешь и танцевать голой
33
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,280
А это уже...
34
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:29,920
Эй, как жизнь половая?
35
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,520
Смешно. Страшно смешно
36
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,080
Нет, подождите
37
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,520
Просто страшно
38
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,720
Постой. Я думала, вчерашний вечер
у тебя удался
39
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,720
Еще как! Но прихожу я домой...
40
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,040
...и вижу на тумбочке раствор Джули
для контактных линз...
41
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,520
...и думаю: "Боже, что я делаю?"
42
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,480
Сейчас я с Джули,
этой замечательной женщиной...
43
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,320
...которая мне так нравится
и отвечает мне взаимностью...
44
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,840
...и я что, все это
просто выброшу?
45
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,200
Это все тебе раствор навеял?
46
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,600
Но мы сейчас говорим о Рэйчел.
Тебе и Рэйчел
47
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,640
Да я мечтал обо "мне и Рэйчел"
больше десяти лет
48
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,520
Но теперь-то я с Джули
49
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,480
Вот и думай: я и Джули,
я и Рэйчел
50
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,080
Я и Джули, я и...
51
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,400
Рэйчел, Рэйчел!
52
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,720
- Привет.
- Как дела?
53
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,280
Хорошо. А у тебя?
54
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:22,680
Хорошо.
55
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,920
- Привет, милый.
- Привет, Джули. Привет, Джули!
56
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,440
Джули!
57
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:29,680
Как дела?
58
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,240
Хорошо
59
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,720
Ну вот, все здесь
60
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,960
Всем хорошо
61
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:40,680
Ты вроде играть собиралась?
62
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,360
- Вообще-то...
- Играй давай!
63
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,440
Ладно.
64
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,760
- Джули, разве ты носишь линзы?
- Что?
65
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:52,960
Так. Привет
66
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:57,160
Привет всем. Поехали
67
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,200
Это песня о любовном треугольнике
68
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,840
из трех людей, которых я придумала
69
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:10,160
Называется она
"Двое из них вчера целовались"
70
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,600
Жила-была девушка по имени Бетти
71
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,440
И парень, ну скажем, Нил
72
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,320
Не будем заострять
на них внимание
73
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:27,160
Все равно они не настоящие
74
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:33,240
Теперь Нилу придется решить,
какую из девушек бросить
75
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,600
Сделает ли он Бетти
своей возлюбленной
76
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:40,520
Или это будет некая... Лули
77
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,720
Он должен решить,
он должен решить
78
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:49,640
Пусть даже он выдуманный -
все равно должен решить
79
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,440
Отличное резюме
80
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,800
Гарное, аж дальше некуда
81
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,680
"Муй импресибо"
(очень впечатляюще - исп.)
82
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:04,720
Мистер Растаттер, а что за работа?
Из объявления было неясно
83
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,800
Моколат
84
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,280
- Прошу прощения?
- Моколат
85
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:12,120
Синтетический заменитель шоколада
86
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,240
Давайте, попробуйте кусочек
87
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,360
По нашему мнению, Моколат
даже лучше шоколада
88
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,040
А ну-ка...
89
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,680
Как он здорово хрустит
90
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,520
- А шоколад так не хрустит.
- Именно, мэм.
91
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:39,000
Со дня на день мы получим
сертификат Минздрава
92
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,480
Абы успеть ко Дню Благодарения
93
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,080
На наш взгляд,
шоколад уже доминирует
94
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:48,920
на всех праздниках из едой.
Пасха, Рождество, усякое другое
95
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,120
Та если еще и правильный маркетинг
96
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:55,240
мы сделаем из Дня Благодарения
моколатный праздник
97
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:56,840
Ого!
98
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,280
Та глотайте уже
99
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,840
Пусть перестанет пузыриться
100
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,920
Правда, хорошо?
101
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,120
Собственно шо
102
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,680
Нам нужны повара, шоб сочиняли
рецепты на День Благодарения
103
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,040
Интересуетесь?
104
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,240
Несом...
105
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,000
...ненно!
106
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,720
Обожаю составлять новые рецепты,
обожаю День Благодарения...
107
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,040
...а теперь обожаю Моколат
108
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,280
Правда?
109
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,040
Особенно послевкусие.
Знаете...
110
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:29,760
...оно продержится до Рождества
111
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,320
Как насчет моколатного мусса?
112
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,680
Не очень-то он...
113
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,640
...День-Благодаренческий.
114
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,040
Будет пилигримским
моколатным муссом!
115
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:42,520
Отчего он станет пилигримским?
116
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,960
Шляпы на него наденем
117
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,000
Росс звонил?
118
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,040
Нет, извини
119
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,280
Почему он не звонил?
120
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,040
Он хочет остаться с Джули
121
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,320
Он останется с ней,
а она такая:
122
00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,720
"Эй, я Джули. Меня подцепил Росс"
123
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:05,360
"Мы поженимся, и наделаем детей,
и славно заживем вместе!"
124
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:09,520
Без обид, но это
ни фига на нее не похоже
125
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:14,680
Что мне делать?
Это какой-то кошмар!
126
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:19,920
Вижу. Тяжело тебе приходится.
"Ой, меня любят две бабы!"
127
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,240
"Они обе такие клёвые,
в бумажник не влазят полтинники...
128
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:27,000
...и туфли с брюликами мне жмут!"
129
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,800
- Есть идея...
- Никогда не трогай компьютер!
130
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,720
Слушай, Росс. Всего два слова:
131
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,560
Амур. Детруа
132
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,480
Подойдем к делу систематически.
Составим список
133
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,520
"Рэйчел и Джули: за и против"
134
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,680
Выделим их имена разными шрифтами
135
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,440
...а каждый столбец -
своим цветом
136
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,880
А просто ручкой нельзя?
137
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,360
Нет, село неасфальтированное
138
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:03,280
Начнем с "против", это интереснее
139
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:05,040
Сначала Рэйчел
140
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,680
Ну не знаю
141
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,040
В смысле...
142
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,800
Ладно, можно сказать, иногда
она слишком капризничает
143
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,160
Можно так можно
144
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:20,400
Ну еще, иногда она бывает
такая колючая
145
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:23,840
И, по-моему, слишком зациклена
на своей внешности
146
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,080
А у Джули и меня много общего
147
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,080
Мы же оба палеонтологи, так?
148
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,040
А Рэйчел - просто официантка
149
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,920
Официантка...
150
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:36,560
Готово. Хотите в "Дум" сыграть?
151
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:41,160
Или можем продолжить
152
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,880
Еще что?
153
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,840
Не знаю
154
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:50,240
А! Лодыжки у нее толстоваты.
155
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,840
Так, займемся Джули.
156
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,720
Что плохо в ней?
157
00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,160
То, что она не Рэйчел
158
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,480
Вот тыквенный пирог
с моколатной корочкой
159
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:09,280
Это клюквенный кекс с моколатом,
а это печенье с моколатной стружкой
160
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,960
Все в точности, как у индейцев
161
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:15,880
О господи!
162
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,000
О господи, как вкусно?
163
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:21,520
О господи, как ты могла
заставить меня взять это в рот!
164
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:26,680
Боже милостивый! Вот оно какое
на вкус, вселенское зло!
165
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,720
Говорю вам, не печатает
166
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,480
Нажимал я эту кнопку раз сто!
167
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,080
Не надо так холодно с клиентом
на горячей линии!
168
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,600
Что это там у вас?
169
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,680
"Звездный путь" смотрите?
170
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:54,960
Ну, разбил ты Джули сердце?
171
00:09:54,960 --> 00:10:00,720
Ужас. Она кричала, я кричал, она
бросалась чем попало, и попадала
172
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,200
Но я поступил правильно
173
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:07,400
Что, Спок обнимается с отцом?
174
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,960
Эй, ребята, у вас есть...
175
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:14,440
Ты куда?
176
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,880
Я только что вернулся...
177
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,800
...от Джули
178
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:22,920
Нет, нет
179
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,880
Не то, что ты подумала
180
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,160
А наоборот
181
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,840
Что "наоборот"? Что "я подумала"?
182
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:39,720
Ну...
183
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,560
Он бросил Джули!
184
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:46,800
Да обними же ее, ради бога!
185
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:47,920
Правда?
186
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:49,880
Правда
187
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,920
Для меня всегда была только ты,
Рэйч
188
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:55,240
О боже
189
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,440
Как хорошо
190
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,680
- Очень хорошо
- Еще бы. Еще бы
191
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,840
Совсем как...
192
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,680
Может, сходим прогуляемся?
Одни. Без них
193
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:23,000
- Я только куртку возьму.
- Давай. Нет, нет!
194
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,080
Я тебе принесу
195
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,920
Он пошел за моей курткой.
Он пошел за моей курткой, Джоуи!
196
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:39,120
Джоуи, прямо не верится!
Не верится!
197
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:43,160
- Что это там?
- Что? Ничего!
198
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,960
- Я видела свое имя. Что это?
- Ничего, видишь? Видишь?
199
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,120
Печатает!
200
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,680
Оно печатает!
201
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,280
Дай посмотреть!
202
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,080
ЭЙ, куртку заказывали?
203
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,480
Чендлер написал что-то про меня,
а мне не показывает
204
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,960
Не показывает? И не покажет!
205
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,920
Ведь это же...
206
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,920
...рассказ, который ты пишешь?
207
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,280
Да, это рассказ...
208
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,720
...который я пишу
209
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,760
В нем действую я? Дай почитать
210
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,400
Нет!
211
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:21,240
- Давай!
- А давай ты сам почитаешь?
212
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,120
Ладно
213
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,880
"Было лето"
214
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,920
"И было жарко"
215
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,200
"Там была Рэйчел"
216
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,480
"И пустой серый диван"
217
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:58,000
"'Смотрите!' - вскричал Нед."
218
00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:02,040
"И забрал себе королевство.
Конец!"
219
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:08,200
И всё? Ты худший писатель в мире!
220
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,000
Так, уже не смешно
221
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:14,080
На той бумажке есть что-то про меня,
и я хочу это видеть
222
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,840
Лучше не надо
223
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:21,480
Так, ладно. Если вы, ребята,
впали в детство, так и будет
224
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,760
Не очень-то и хотелось!
225
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:30,640
Что это?
226
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,600
Это же...
227
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:34,480
Что это такое?
228
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,760
- Спасибо.
- Держись.
229
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,880
Ты, главное, помни,
как я тебя обожаю, ладно?
230
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:44,840
"Бывает колючая"?
231
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,480
"Зациклена на внешности"?
232
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:48,680
"Капризничает"?
233
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:53,760
Немножко! Этот придурок должен был
набрать "немножко"!
234
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,520
"Всего лишь официантка"?
235
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,600
Ну, это просто...
236
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,080
Просто, в отличие от...
237
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,080
Ну может уже все, а? Рэйч?
238
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,520
У МЕНЯ НЕ ТОЛСТЫЕ ЛОДЫЖКИ!
239
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:09,840
Да нет! Я...
240
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,720
Ты посмотри на другую сторону.
На колонку Джули.
241
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,520
"Она не рэчем"?
242
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,120
Что за фигня этот рэчем?
243
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,320
Какой-нибудь дурацкий термин
палеонтологии...
244
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,120
...который я не понимаю,
потому что всего лишь официантка?
245
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,280
Рэйч, да ладно тебе!
246
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,680
Это же "Она не Рэйчел"!
247
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:32,160
Она не...
248
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,600
Дневник! Гениально!
249
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,480
Я бы сказал, что это мой дневник,
и она не заставила бы его читать
250
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:49,280
Точно. Ты очень полезный человек
на другой день после катастрофы
251
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,800
Как Росс мог составить такой список?
252
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,280
- Точно.
- Какой долбогрыз!
253
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,680
Да не судите его так строго.
Это Чендлер подал идею
254
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,120
Что?
255
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,680
Прекрасно. Я уж боялся, что
вы это не скажете
256
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,200
Это ты подал идею?
257
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:09,680
Давайте взглянем на это шире.
Без причины такое не случается
258
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,640
Ага. Причина - ты!
259
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:17,400
Фибс, поддержи. Ты же веришь
во всю эту херню про карму, а?
260
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:22,320
Да! Удачи тебе в следующей жизни
навозным жуком
261
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,400
Рэйч!
262
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,040
Эй! Открывай! Прошу тебя!
263
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:48,040
Если тебя не впускают по звонку,
Росс, это означает "Уходи"
264
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,400
А не "залезай по пожарной лестнице"
265
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,280
Я просто хотел зачитать тебе
твой список "За"
266
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,200
Не интересуемся
267
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,880
"Пункт первый:
твои крики на игровых шоу"
268
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,520
"Пункт второй:
как ты любишь друзей"
269
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,600
"Пункт третий: как ты играешь
волосами, когда нервничаешь"
270
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:11,520
"Пункт четвертый: как смело ты
начинаешь жизнь заново"
271
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,720
"Пункт пятый: как хорошо
ты относишься к Бену"
272
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:18,960
"Пункт шестой: как ты пахнешь"
273
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:20,960
Что ты делаешь?
274
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,720
Может, откроешь окно?
275
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,280
А, ну да.
276
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,720
- Что ты там делал?
- Я...
277
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,280
Ты, наверно, замерз.
Знаешь, что тебе нужно?
278
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:34,960
Славная чашечка дымящегося
горячего Моколата!
279
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,680
Да ладно, открывай
280
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,880
Рэйч, хватит.
Дай мне попробовать еще раз
281
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,720
Нет!
282
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,920
- Нет?
- Именно это я и сказала.
283
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,160
Может, нам стоит уйти
284
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,400
Нет, не надо уходить.
Разговор окончен
285
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,080
Я знаю, как тебе...
286
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,320
Нет! Не знаешь, Росс.
287
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,240
Представь себе все худшее,
что ты думаешь о себе
288
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,520
Каково тебе узнать, что человек,
которому ты верил больше всех...
289
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,320
...не только думает так же...
290
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,360
...но и пользуется этим как
предлогом, чтобы не быть с тобой
291
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:13,440
Но я же хочу быть с тобой
несмотря на все это
292
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,200
Как это великодушно
с твоей стороны
293
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,760
Я сказала, стоять!
294
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,080
Знаешь что?
295
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:26,920
Если бы все случилось наоборот,
ты бы не смогла написать ничего...
296
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,200
...такого, из-за чего я бы
не остался с тобой
297
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,520
Вот в этом-то и разница
между нами
298
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:37,560
Я не пишу таких списков
299
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:56,960
Никогда не знал, как долго следует
помолчать в таких ситуациях
300
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,360
Наверное, еще немного
301
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,200
В этих рецептах массовые доли
могут показаться необычными
302
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,240
Например, в праздничные кокосово-
моколатно-ореховые батончики
303
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,440
Кладут четыре стакана кокоса,
четыре стакана орехов...
304
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:17,680
...и столовую ложку Моколата
305
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,080
Уже неважно
306
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,720
Минздрав не одобрил
307
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,600
С лабораторными крысами что-то не то
308
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:27,800
Боже, извините
309
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,280
Та ну
310
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,320
Значить, шоб... Вот вам чек
311
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,040
Спасибо за беспокойство
312
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,120
Вы ж его много не ели,
когда готовили, а?
313
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:40,760
Немного пробовала
314
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,680
А, немного - это нормально.
Немного - это ж не много
315
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:49,240
Когда пИсаете, не печет, нет?
316
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,240
Опять он?
317
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:11,480
Скажи ему, что я бы подошла,
но толстые лодыжки ходить не дают
318
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,600
Ты выбрал не лучший момент
319
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,600
Слушай, поможешь мне, а?
320
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,600
Конечно. Как?
321
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,400
Хорошо
322
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:28,840
Музыку включить?
323
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,440
Ага
324
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,720
Следующая песня - для Рэйчел
от Росса
325
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,680
Рэйчел, он просит передать,
как он жалеет о том, что сделал
326
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,720
и надеется на твое прощение
327
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:50,120
"Твой взгляд окаменел"
328
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:54,480
"В сердце твоем рана"
329
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:59,720
"Я буду ждать тебя"
330
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,720
"В хитросплетениях судьбы"
331
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:11,480
"На ложе из шипов я буду ждать ее"
332
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,880
"Буду ждать, и не дождусь"
333
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:20,800
"Мы приняли звонок от Рэйчел,
и она рассказала о поступке Росса"
334
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,880
"Это отвратительно!
Росс, если ты слушаешь..."
335
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:28,160
"...я прекращаю играть твою песню"
336
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,920
"Давайте отдадим эфир паре,
у которой еще есть шанс"
337
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,440
"Эвери, Мишель жалеет,
что сбила тебя машиной..."
338
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,400
"...и надеется, что у вас
все наладится"
339
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,920
Спасибо, что снова пришли
340
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,040
Не за что. У меня нет принципов,
и очень нужны деньги
341
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,000
Просто моя вторая половинка!
342
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:25,000
Ну от, это "Арыбахис"
343
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,760
На вкус совсем как арахис
344
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,120
Но делается в основном
из переработанных рыбных отходов
345
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,640
Попробуйте
346
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,560
- Ладно...
- Аллергия у вас есть?
347
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:37,560
На кошачью шерсть
348
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,640
Тогда извините
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