2
00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:08,382
And that's why,
no matter what Mommy says...
3
00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:12,511
...we really were on a break.
Yes, we were.
4
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:16,974
Yes, we were. Heh.
Come here, gorgeous.
5
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,437
Look at you.
You are the cutest little baby ever.
6
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:25,441
You're just a little-bitty baby,
you know that? But you've got...
7
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,609
You've got big, beautiful eyes.
8
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:31,905
Yes, you do. And a...
And a big, round belly.
9
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:35,576
Big baby butt.
10
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,663
I like big butts.
11
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:43,375
I like big butts and I cannot lie
12
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,294
You other brothers can't deny
13
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,421
When a girl walks in
With an itty-bitty waist
14
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,465
And a round thing in your face
You get...
15
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:57,431
Oh, my God, Emma.
You're laughing.
16
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,517
Oh, my God. You've never
done that before, have you?
17
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:04,271
You've never done that before.
Daddy made you laugh, huh?
18
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,232
Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot.
19
00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:11,361
What? What?
You wanna hear some more? Um...
20
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:16,325
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you got buns, hun
21
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,997
I'm a terrible father. Oh.
22
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,090
- Hey.
- Hey, listen.
23
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:16,135
- What do you know about investments?
- How come?
24
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:20,222
I'm starting to make good money on the
show, and I should do something with it.
25
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:24,560
- What do you do with your money now?
- It's taped to the back of my toilet tank.
26
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:28,772
I didn't say that.
It's in a bank guarded by robots.
27
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,235
- Do you have any ideas?
- Uh, this guy at work got me excited...
28
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:36,613
...about going in on an emu farm.
That'd be kind of cool, huh?
29
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:40,450
Pitching in on the weekends,
helping to plant the emus.
30
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,706
Joe, emus are birds.
You raise them for meat.
31
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,207
Yeah. Right!
32
00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,920
People eat birds. Bird meat.
33
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:55,591
Do they just fly into your mouth?
Or you go in a restaurant and say:
34
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,886
"Excuse me, I'll have
a bucket of fried bird." Ha-ha-ha.
35
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:02,264
Or maybe just a wing. Or a...
36
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,184
Mm-hm.
Ahem.
37
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,811
You should consider something
a little less risky.
38
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,397
I think real estate is
your best investment.
39
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:14,735
The Fed just lowered the rates, and the
interest on your mortgage is deductible.
40
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,488
That's right. I know some stuff.
41
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,282
Real estate, huh? Hmm.
42
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:23,118
Oh! And you know who's selling
a great apartment? Richard!
43
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:27,206
Oh, and you know whose knowledge of
her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica!
44
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,750
My dad told me.
They play golf together.
45
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:32,085
Oh! Well, maybe
I'll join them sometime.
46
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,755
I just hope the club doesn't
slip out of my hand...
47
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,382
...and beat the mustache
off his face.
48
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:48,727
Hi! You have to help me pick a dress.
I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight.
49
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,855
Wow, the boyfriend's parents.
Big step.
50
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:56,860
- Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
- They'll love you. Just be yourself.
51
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,738
They live on the Upper East Side
on Park Avenue.
52
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,449
- Oh, yeah, she can't be herself.
Ugh.
53
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,702
Okay, so, all right, which dress?
54
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:13,752
- You can say neither.
Oh, God. Neither.
55
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,755
I'm sorry. We'll take you shopping.
It'll be fine.
56
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:20,509
You are in such good hands,
and I am so good with meeting parents.
57
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,720
With the father, you wanna flirt a little,
but not in a gross way.
58
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,558
Just kind of like, "Mr. Pinzer, I can
see where Wallace gets his good looks."
59
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:33,146
- You went out with Wallace Pinzer?
- Oh, he took the SATs for me.
60
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:39,111
- I knew you didn't get a 1400!
- Yeah, well, duh! I mean...
61
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,780
So now, what about with Mike's mom?
62
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,490
Oh! Well, with the mother...
63
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,410
...just constantly
tell her how amazing her son is.
64
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:50,122
Take it from me. Moms love me.
Ross' mom one time actually said...
65
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,499
...I am like the daughter
that she never had.
66
00:04:56,254 --> 00:05:01,633
- She said what?
- She's like the daughter she never had.
67
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:03,010
Listen.
68
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,021
- Hi.
- Hi.
69
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,815
I just got Phoebe all dressed
to meet Mike's parents.
70
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,401
She's so nervous. It's so sweet.
71
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,737
Guess what. I made Emma laugh today.
72
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,531
You what? And I missed it...
73
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:28,493
...because I was giving a makeover
to that stupid hippie?
74
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,831
Yeah, and it was, uh, like, uh,
a real little person laugh too.
75
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,375
- Oh!
- It was like, um:
76
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:44,009
Only not creepy.
77
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,385
Yeah.
78
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:48,805
- What did you do to make her laugh?
- I, um...
79
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,641
Well, I sang. Actually...
80
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,394
...I rapped, um, heh...
81
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,063
..."Baby Got Back."
82
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,900
You what?
83
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:03,362
You sang to our baby daughter...
84
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,031
...a song about a guy
who likes to have sex...
85
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,283
...with women with giant asses?
86
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,203
You know what,
if you think about it...
87
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:15,957
...it actually promotes
a healthy, uh, body image...
88
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,502
...because even big butts...
89
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:22,089
...or, uh, "juicy doubles" are...
- Oh.
90
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,221
Please don't take her away from me.
91
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:38,188
Oh, hi, come on in.
I'm Catherine, the listing agent.
92
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,898
Hi, I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
93
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:43,819
So how come Richard's selling
the place? Went bankrupt?
94
00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:47,781
Medical malpractice?
Choked on his own mustache?
95
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:52,411
He's buying a much bigger place.
It's got a great view of Central Park...
96
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,704
That's enough out of you.
97
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,624
Uh, is there anything we should know
about the place?
98
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:02,295
All the appliances are included.
There's a lot of light, a new kitchen.
99
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:05,465
I think you guys would be
very happy here.
100
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,179
Ha. No, no, no.
- Ha-ha-ha.
101
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,475
No, we're not together.
We're definitely not a couple.
102
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,687
- Oh, okay. Sorry.
JOEY: That's all right.
103
00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:21,982
Wow, you, uh, seemed
pretty insulted by that.
104
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,818
What, I'm not good enough for you?
105
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,946
We are not gonna have
this conversation again.
106
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:33,076
Look at this place.
Why am I so intimidated by this guy?
107
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,872
Pretentious art.
This huge, macho couch.
108
00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:39,040
When we know
all he does is sit around...
109
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:43,003
...crying about losing Monica
to a real man. Ha, ha.
110
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:46,339
- You don't think he's here, do you?
- I don't know.
111
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:51,303
It's a nice place, but I gotta say,
I don't know if I see myself living here.
112
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:52,888
Well, let me see.
113
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,023
Yeah, I can see it.
114
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:07,235
Look at these videos.
I mean, who does he think he is?
115
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,947
Magnum Force, Dirty Harry,
Cool Hand Luke.
116
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,908
- Oh, my God.
- What?
117
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,869
There's a tape here
with Monica's name on it.
118
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:19,748
Ooh. A tape with a girl's name on it.
It's probably a sex tape.
119
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,210
Wait a minute.
120
00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:25,754
This says "Monica."
121
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:30,258
And this is Richard's apartment.
122
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,553
Get there faster!
123
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,948
Wow. You look...
124
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:54,991
...like my mom.
125
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,246
I'm wearing pantyhose.
126
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,582
- Great! Come on in.
- Okay.
127
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,085
- Ha-ha-ha. Hi.
- Hi.
128
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,128
Oh. Thank you.
129
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:08,547
Oh. Heh.
130
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,925
- Oh, my God. You're rich.
- No, my parents are rich.
131
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:15,595
So? They gotta die someday. Hello!
132
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,389
Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe.
133
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:20,267
Phoebe, these are my parents,
Theodore and Bitsy.
134
00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:22,978
Theodore, Bitsy...
135
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,356
...what a delight.
Ha-ha-ha.
136
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:30,652
- It's so nice to finally meet you.
- And you.
137
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,238
Your home is lovely.
138
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:37,242
Thank you. I'll give you a tour later.
It's actually three floors.
139
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,327
Holy crap!
140
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:43,915
Oh. Why don't you come
meet our friends?
141
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,542
Try and stop me.
142
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,044
Hey. What are you doing?
143
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,088
Getting your parents to like me.
144
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,716
I'm sure they will,
but you don't have to do this.
145
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,509
I want them
to get to know Phoebe, not:
146
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,885
"Phoebe."
147
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:58,847
You've got it.
All right.
148
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,849
- It's hard to stop.
- Mm.
149
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,476
Well, come on.
150
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:07,147
Phoebe, these are our friends
Tom and Sue Engel.
151
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:10,317
Phoebe, come sit.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
152
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:11,526
Mm-hm.
153
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,862
- So where are you from?
- Um, okay.
154
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,532
Well, all right.
Um, originally, I'm from upstate...
155
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,994
...but, um, then my mom killed herself,
and my stepdad went to prison.
156
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,622
So I moved to the city...
157
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,833
...where, um, I lived in a burned-out
Buick LeSabre for a while.
158
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,543
Which was okay. That was okay.
159
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,712
Until, um, I got hepatitis, you know...
160
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:34,841
...because this pimp spit
in my mouth and...
161
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,636
But I got over it.
162
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:42,265
And, um, anyway, now I'm a, um,
freelance massage therapist...
163
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:47,395
...um, which isn't always steady money,
but at least I don't pay taxes.
164
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,072
So where does everyone summer?
165
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:08,500
- Oh, God, this is not going well.
- No, you're doing fine. Really.
166
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:12,212
- Why don't you go talk to my dad?
- Okay, okay, okay.
167
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:15,006
- Still sure about me being myself?
- Absolutely.
168
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,634
Though maybe just
a little less "pimp spit."
169
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:19,010
Okay.
170
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:27,519
So, Theodore, I, uh, can see
where Mike gets his good looks from.
171
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,938
Oh. Well...
172
00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:34,859
- You must work out all the time.
- Oh, not all the time. I do the best I can.
173
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,862
- Yeah, I bet. Look out!
- Oh! Ow.
174
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:41,408
- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- Unh! I recently had surgery.
175
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,660
- I'm so sorry.
- No, I'll be fine.
176
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:47,288
- I just should check the stitches.
- I really am sorry.
177
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:50,417
How could you know? Why wouldn't
you punch me in the stomach?
178
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,045
Um...
179
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,922
Did you just hit my dad?
180
00:11:57,049 --> 00:12:01,094
Yes. I'm sorry. I've never met
a boyfriend's parents before.
181
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,930
But, I mean, you have met
humans before, right?
182
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,349
Why don't you go talk to my mom?
183
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,936
Okay, yeah, your mom.
She looks nice. I can talk to her.
184
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:14,399
You do that, and I'm gonna go check
my dad for signs of internal bleeding.
185
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:19,696
Oh, Bitsy? Um, uh, listen,
I wanted to thank you again...
186
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,114
...for having me here tonight.
187
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,532
Well, not at all.
188
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,286
Also, um, I just want you to know
what a wonderful man your son is.
189
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:30,957
- Thank you. I think so too.
- It's a testament to how he was raised.
190
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,210
Especially to you,
because he's very respectful of women.
191
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:38,840
- Is he really?
- He is so considerate of my feelings.
192
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:43,428
You know, I think you'd also like
to know that he is a very gentle lover.
193
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,142
Excuse me?
194
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:52,896
No, don't get me wrong.
No, not in like a sissy way.
195
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,731
When he gets going...
196
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:59,277
...he can rattle a headboard
like a sailor on leave.
197
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,407
That's... my boy.
198
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,415
Awesome.
199
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,923
I'm not gonna watch it.
I don't need to watch it.
200
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:23,134
I mean, what good could
possibly come from watching it?
201
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,721
Well, we know I'm gonna watch it.
202
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,601
- Hey, dude, what's up?
- Don't judge me! I'm only human!
203
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,895
Did you take that tape?
204
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:37,607
I had to! Imagine you were married
and you found a tape of your wife...
205
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,361
...in another guy's apartment. Wouldn't
you need to know what was on it?
206
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:44,113
I don't know. Who am I married to?
207
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,367
Some girl.
208
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:48,910
She hot?
209
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,997
- Yeah.
- How did she get me to settle down?
210
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:55,959
All right, I'm gonna watch it.
211
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,420
I mean, it's probably
not even what I think it is.
212
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:03,216
Even if it is, it can't possibly be as
bad as what I'm picturing in my head.
213
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,218
Ha, ha. Can it?
214
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:10,265
See, in my experience,
if a girl says yes to being taped...
215
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:13,017
...she doesn't say no to much else,
I'll tell you.
216
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,647
- Then you have to watch it for me.
- Whoa! What?
217
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,525
Just for a few seconds
so I can know what it is. Please?
218
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:25,196
All right, fine. But if I enjoy this,
you have only yourself to blame!
219
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:34,998
- Why am I hearing cheering?
- It's okay. It's just a football game.
220
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:39,502
- It's just football?
- You were all worried for nothing.
221
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,379
It's football! It's just football!
222
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:44,924
This is great! This is the first time
I've ever enjoyed football!
223
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,510
I think it may be customary
to get a beer!
224
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,055
What the?
225
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:56,144
- What are you doing?
- You don't wanna see what I just saw!
226
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,606
What are you guys doing?
227
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,775
Oh, my God! Is that Richard?
228
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:10,366
Okay, uh, please laugh for Mommy.
Please?
229
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,826
Please laugh for Mommy.
230
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,666
Not funny, huh?
231
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,752
Well, so is it...
232
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:25,173
...only offensive novelty rap?
233
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:29,010
Or maybe just, you know, rap in general.
Because Mommy can rap.
234
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,472
My name is Mommy
235
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,265
And I'm here to say
236
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,516
That all the babies are...
237
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,393
Oh, I can't rap.
238
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:44,901
All right, sweetheart. This is
only because I love you so much.
239
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:49,697
And I know that you're
not gonna tell anybody.
240
00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:58,998
I like
241
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,752
Big butts and I cannot lie
242
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,465
You other brothers can't deny
243
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,052
When a girl walks in
With an itty-bitty waist
244
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,804
And a round thing in your face
245
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,391
Yes, yes, yes. Yes! Ha!
246
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:17,642
Oh.
247
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,269
I like big butts and I cannot lie
248
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,522
You other brothers can't deny
249
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,274
Oh, Emma, you're laughing!
Oh, you are!
250
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,653
You really do like big butts, don't you?
251
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:33,700
Oh, you beautiful little weirdo.
252
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,118
Oh.
253
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,204
- Hey.
- Oh, you missed it! She was laughing!
254
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,706
- Oh, it was amazing.
- Oh.
255
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:43,501
It was amazing. It was the most
beautiful, beautiful sound.
256
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,336
Oh, I know, isn't it?
257
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,631
Oh, what did you do
to get her to laugh?
258
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:52,844
Oh, you know, I just...
A couple of things I tried. Different...
259
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,722
Just sang a little
"The ltsy-Bitsy Spider."
260
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:59,600
You sang "Baby Got Back,"
didn't you?
261
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:04,272
Nothing else worked!
That girl is all about the ass!
262
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,191
And then it goes back to the chorus.
263
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,360
Smelly cat, smelly cat
264
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,030
It's not your fault
265
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,866
Resolve.
And that's the end of the song.
266
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,745
I realize you hadn't asked
to hear it...
267
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:22,707
...but, um, no one had spoken
in 17 minutes.
268
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:28,796
Uh, Phoebe writes lots of songs. What
was that one you sang the other night?
269
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,673
Oh, "Pervert Parade"?
270
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,800
No.
271
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:36,679
- Oh! "Ode to a Pubic Hair"?
- Stop.
272
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:42,769
Oh, God. Is that veal?
273
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,188
Mom, I thought I told you,
Phoebe's a vegetarian.
274
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,522
Oh.
275
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:50,568
No, that's okay. That's okay.
I mean, I am a vegetarian...
276
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:54,405
...except for veal.
Yeah. No. Veal I love. Heh.
277
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:59,243
- Phoebe, you don't have to eat that.
- Any baby animals. Kittens, fish babies.
278
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,038
But, you know, especially veal.
279
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:06,334
You know, and this nice vein of fat
running through it.
280
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,726
- Mm. Yummy.
Ha-ha-ha.
281
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,447
So...
282
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,990
What do you think?
283
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,455
So you stole that tape
from Richard's apartment?
284
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,459
Listen to the judgment
from the porn star!
285
00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:53,172
That tape was never meant
to be seen by...
286
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,592
Joey, I would feel more comfortable
if this conversation were in private.
287
00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,179
Ha, ha, Monica, look, I don't think
you and I have any secrets anymore.
288
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,144
Not ready to joke about it yet?
See you later.
289
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:10,439
Why in the world would you take
this tape? And why would you watch it?
290
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,942
Because that's who I am. Okay?
291
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:17,196
I'm sure a man like Richard could see
a tape like that and not be bothered.
292
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,240
It'd just be another saucy anecdote...
293
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:23,828
...for him to share at his men's club
over brandy and mustaches.
294
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,249
Is all of this about you not being able
to grow a mustache?
295
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:32,253
This is about you and Richard.
He's clearly not over you.
296
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:35,173
He keeps a tape so he can
look at it whenever he wants.
297
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:39,093
Isn't that sad?
Can't you see how pathetic that is?
298
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,762
Don't be jealous.
You should feel bad for him.
299
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:44,807
Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard, he...
300
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,185
I can grow a mustache.
301
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:53,316
This is not our problem. We have
each other. That's all that matters.
302
00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:58,613
But I just keep picturing you rolling
around with him, with your...
303
00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:00,656
...cowboy boots in the air.
304
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:06,537
Cowboy boots? I've never worn
cowboy boots in my whole life.
305
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,081
Oh, good, good. Play more
because I wanna see how it ends.
306
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,961
- That's not me!
- What?
307
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,758
That's not you! Life is good again!
308
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,220
Ride 'em, cowgirl!
309
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:26,224
That bastard taped over me!
310
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,311
Is that a problem?
311
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:35,024
It's just so insulting.
Spring for a new blank tape, doctor!
312
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,362
I can't imagine what he sees in her.
313
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:42,490
She actually makes me miss
that pill-popping ex-wife of his.
314
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,370
- Hello, dear.
- Hey.
315
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:50,248
- What's going on?
- We were just chitchatting.
316
00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:53,417
- How's your friend?
- A little better.
317
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:58,214
Do you know who's moving back into
town? Tom and Sue's daughter, Jen.
318
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:02,969
You remember her, Michael.
She's lovely, well-behaved and single.
319
00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:07,223
- I'm not interested.
- Oh, please, darling, let's be honest.
320
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:10,559
You can have all the sailor fun
you want with that one.
321
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:13,688
- But let's be real.
- All right, stop.
322
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:18,359
All Phoebe has done is try and get you
to like her. Maybe it's not clear...
323
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:19,735
...but she did her best.
324
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:25,241
- She's a little different than you are.
- Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth.
325
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:30,371
So what? If I can
get past that, it shouldn't bother you.
326
00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:33,833
You don't have to like her.
Just accept the fact that I do.
327
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,335
If you can't even be civil
to the woman I love...
328
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,755
- The woman you what?
- Yeah, the woman you what?
329
00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:44,468
The woman I love.
330
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,349
I love you.
331
00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:56,731
Something I shouldn't say for
the first time, in front of my parents...
332
00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:59,317
...and Tom and Sue.
333
00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:03,321
Who are, by the way, the most sinfully
boring people I've ever met in my life.
334
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,452
- I love you too.
- You do?
335
00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:11,329
Yeah. Ha, ha.
336
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,080
How great is this?
337
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,377
- Wanna get out of here?
- Okay.
338
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:23,049
- Mom, Dad. Thanks for dinner.
- I had a great time.
339
00:22:23,258 --> 00:22:25,718
It was really top-drawer.
340
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,428
And here's something rich.
341
00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:31,015
Thirteen bathrooms in this place,
I threw up in the coat closet.
342
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,434
Ta-ta!
343
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,649
She's sweat, wet
344
00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:42,318
Got it going like a turbo 'Vette
345
00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:43,819
- So, fellas!
- Yeah?
346
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:45,112
- Fellas!
- Yeah?
347
00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,406
- Has your girlfriend got the butt?
- Hell, yeah
348
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:48,574
- So shake it
- Shake it
349
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:49,909
- Shake it
- Shake it
350
00:22:50,118 --> 00:22:51,619
Shake that nasty butt
351
00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:52,995
Baby got back
352
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,122
One more time from the top!
353
00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:58,417
I like big butts
And I cannot lie
354
00:22:58,585 --> 00:22:59,794
You other brothers...
355
00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:05,633
Rachel, please!
That is so inappropriate!
|
1
00:00:04,149 --> 00:00:07,346
И поэтому, неважно, что говорит мамочка...
2
00:00:07,819 --> 00:00:11,585
...у нас был перерыв. Именно так.
3
00:00:11,790 --> 00:00:15,590
Именно так. Иди сюда, моя красавица.
4
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:20,421
Ты только посмотри на себя. Ты же самый милый
ребёнок в мире.
5
00:00:20,599 --> 00:00:24,433
Ты всего лишь маленький ребёнок, знаешь об этом?
Но у тебя...
6
00:00:24,603 --> 00:00:26,594
У тебя большие, красивые глаза.
7
00:00:27,205 --> 00:00:30,902
Да-да. И..
И большой круглый животик.
8
00:00:31,209 --> 00:00:35,009
И большая попа.
9
00:00:36,248 --> 00:00:38,580
Я люблю большие задницы.
10
00:00:52,230 --> 00:00:56,098
О, боже, Эмма. Ты смеешься.
11
00:00:56,768 --> 00:00:59,532
О, боже. Ты никогда раньше так не делала, не так
ли?
12
00:00:59,705 --> 00:01:03,368
Ты никогда раньше так не делала. Папочка тебя
рассмешил, да?
13
00:01:03,542 --> 00:01:07,103
Папочка и сэр Микс-Э-Лот.
14
00:01:07,579 --> 00:01:10,309
Что? Что? Хочешь еще послушать?
15
00:01:17,856 --> 00:01:20,950
Я ужасный отец.
16
00:02:09,474 --> 00:02:12,966
- Ребята, что вы знаете об инвестировании?
- Зачем ты спрашиваешь?
17
00:02:13,145 --> 00:02:17,047
Я начал зарабатывать неплохие деньги на шоу и
хочу что-нибудь с ними сделать.
18
00:02:17,215 --> 00:02:21,379
- А что ты сейчас с ними делаешь?
- Они спрятаны за туалетным бачком.
19
00:02:21,553 --> 00:02:25,683
Я этого не говорил. Я их храню в банке, который
охраняется роботами.
20
00:02:27,292 --> 00:02:30,090
- У тебя есть идеи?
- Один парень с работы предложил классную идею...
21
00:02:30,295 --> 00:02:33,423
...вложить деньги в ферму эму.
Было бы круто, правда?
22
00:02:33,665 --> 00:02:37,226
Работать там на выходных, помогать высаживать
эму.
23
00:02:38,937 --> 00:02:42,532
Джоуи, эму - это птицы. Их выращивают на мясо.
24
00:02:42,741 --> 00:02:44,038
Ну да. Конечно.
25
00:02:46,578 --> 00:02:48,739
Люди едят птиц. Птичье мясо.
26
00:02:48,914 --> 00:02:52,406
Они что, прямо в рот залетают?
Или ты приходишь в ресторан и говоришь...
27
00:02:52,584 --> 00:02:55,747
"Будьте добры, принесите мне ведерко жареной
птицы".
28
00:02:55,921 --> 00:02:59,049
Или, может, просто крылышко. Или...
29
00:03:02,127 --> 00:03:04,618
Подумай о чем-нибудь менее рискованном.
30
00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:07,260
Я думаю, лучше всего вложить деньги в недвижимость.
31
00:03:07,566 --> 00:03:12,765
Федеральный банк только что понизил учетные ставки,
а твои проценты по ипотеке подлежат удержанию.
32
00:03:12,938 --> 00:03:15,338
Да да. Я кое-что знаю.
33
00:03:15,540 --> 00:03:17,098
Недвижимость, а?
34
00:03:17,342 --> 00:03:19,970
И знаешь, кто продает классную квартиру?
Ричард.
35
00:03:20,145 --> 00:03:24,047
И знаешь, чьи познания о жизни
бывшего парня шокируют? Моники.
36
00:03:24,549 --> 00:03:28,918
- Мой отец сказал мне. Они вместе играют в гольф.
- Ну, может я как-нибудь сыграю с ними.
37
00:03:29,087 --> 00:03:31,749
Надеюсь, что моя рука случайно
не соскочит с клюшки...
38
00:03:31,923 --> 00:03:35,154
... и не смахнет усы с его лица.
39
00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:45,792
А потом доктор сказала, что Эмма
удвоила свой вес с рождения....
40
00:03:45,971 --> 00:03:50,340
... и что скоро она уже сможет
есть твердую пищу.
41
00:03:50,509 --> 00:03:53,205
- Это здорово
- Я знаю
42
00:03:53,845 --> 00:03:56,177
- О чем мы раньше разговаривали?
- Без понятия.
43
00:03:58,250 --> 00:04:02,550
Привет, вы должны помочь мне выбрать
платье. Я сегодня встречаюсь с родителями Майка.
44
00:04:02,888 --> 00:04:05,584
Вау, родители парня.
Это большой шаг.
45
00:04:05,957 --> 00:04:10,587
- Правда? Мне это и голову не пришло.
- Ты им понравишься. Просто будь собой.
46
00:04:10,829 --> 00:04:13,525
Они живут в верхенем Ист-Сайде
на Парк Авеню (дорогой район).
47
00:04:13,698 --> 00:04:16,223
Да, она не может быть самой собой.
48
00:04:16,401 --> 00:04:19,427
Ладно, хорошо, какое платье?
49
00:04:23,942 --> 00:04:27,070
- Вы можете сказать никакое.
- О слава богу, никакое.
50
00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:29,644
Вы можете сказать это вежливее.
51
00:04:29,815 --> 00:04:32,306
Прости. Мы сходим по магазинам.
Все будет хорошо.
52
00:04:32,484 --> 00:04:36,079
Ты в хороших руках и я так отлично
справляюсь с знакомством с родителями.
53
00:04:36,288 --> 00:04:39,780
С отцом ты можешь немного пофлиртовать,
но только не перебарщивай.
54
00:04:39,958 --> 00:04:44,122
Что-то вроде "Мистер Пинцер, теперь
я понимаю, почему Воллэс такой красавчик".
55
00:04:44,296 --> 00:04:48,665
- Ты встречалась с Воллэсом Пинцером?
- Он сдал за меня выпускной экзамен.
56
00:04:49,601 --> 00:04:54,629
- Я знала, что ты не могла набрать 1400 баллов.
- Ну естественно.
57
00:04:54,973 --> 00:04:57,339
Так ладно, а что по поводу матери Майка?
58
00:04:57,542 --> 00:05:01,876
Ну, а с матерью, просто постоянно
говори ей, какой у нее прекрасный сын.
59
00:05:02,047 --> 00:05:05,710
Учись у меня. Матери обожают меня.
Мама Росса даже однажды сказала...
60
00:05:05,884 --> 00:05:08,819
.... что я ей как дочь, которой у
нее никогда не было.
61
00:05:11,857 --> 00:05:17,523
- Она сказала что?
- Что она как дочь, которой у нее никогда не было.
62
00:05:17,696 --> 00:05:19,721
Слушай.
63
00:05:29,708 --> 00:05:32,438
Я только что приодела Фиби для
встречи с родителями Майка.
64
00:05:32,644 --> 00:05:34,908
Она так нервничает.
Это так мило.
65
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,207
Представляешь - я рассмешил Эмму сегодня.
66
00:05:37,749 --> 00:05:40,115
Ты что? А я пропустила это...
67
00:05:40,285 --> 00:05:43,948
... потому что я преображала
эту дурацкую хиппи?
68
00:05:44,723 --> 00:05:48,921
Ага, это был такой смех
маленького человечка.
69
00:05:49,094 --> 00:05:50,891
Это было вроде:
70
00:05:57,569 --> 00:06:00,902
Только не так жутко.
71
00:06:01,072 --> 00:06:04,371
- Что ты сделал, чтобы рассмешить ее?
- Я...
72
00:06:04,542 --> 00:06:07,204
Ну, я спел. Вообще-то...
73
00:06:07,379 --> 00:06:09,939
... я прочитал рэп...
74
00:06:10,248 --> 00:06:11,476
.... "Baby Got Back."
75
00:06:13,618 --> 00:06:15,415
Ты что?
76
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:18,953
Ты спел нашей маленькой дочке....
77
00:06:19,124 --> 00:06:22,093
... песню о парне, который любит спать...
78
00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:24,785
.... с женщинами с большими задницами?
79
00:06:24,963 --> 00:06:26,988
Знаешь что, если ты об этом подумаешь...
80
00:06:27,198 --> 00:06:31,601
... эта песня пропагандирует здоровое
представление о человеческом теле....
81
00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:34,136
... потому что даже большие попки...
82
00:06:34,306 --> 00:06:37,605
.... или "сладкие половинки"....
83
00:06:42,113 --> 00:06:44,638
Пожалуйста, не забирай ее у меня.
84
00:06:50,422 --> 00:06:53,687
Добрый день, проходите.
Я Кэтрин, агент по недвижимости.
85
00:06:53,858 --> 00:06:55,416
Привет я Джоуи. А это Чендлер.
86
00:06:55,593 --> 00:06:59,324
И почему же Ричард продает эту квартиру?
Обанкротился?
87
00:06:59,497 --> 00:07:03,263
Врачебная ошибка?
Подавился собственными усами?
88
00:07:04,769 --> 00:07:08,603
Он покупает квартиру гораздо больше этой.
У нее отличным вид на Центральный Парк...
89
00:07:08,773 --> 00:07:10,331
Этого достаточно.
90
00:07:10,508 --> 00:07:13,204
Есть еще что-то, что нам стоит знать
об этой квартире?
91
00:07:13,378 --> 00:07:17,872
Вся бытовая техника включена в стоимость.
Здесь много света, новая кухня.
92
00:07:18,049 --> 00:07:22,247
Думаю, вы ребята будете очень счастливы здесь.
93
00:07:27,859 --> 00:07:30,987
Нет, мы не вместе.
Мы определенно не пара.
94
00:07:31,196 --> 00:07:34,188
- Понятно, извините.
- Все нормально.
95
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:37,563
Вау, ты кажется очень оскорбился.
96
00:07:38,036 --> 00:07:40,300
Что, я недостаточно хорошо для тебя?
97
00:07:41,473 --> 00:07:44,965
Мы не будем опять об этом разговаривать.
98
00:07:45,143 --> 00:07:48,670
Посмотри на это место.
Почему я так боюсь этого парня?
99
00:07:48,847 --> 00:07:52,578
Претенциозное искусство.
Этот огромный мачо-диван.
100
00:07:52,784 --> 00:07:55,048
Когда мы знаем, что все, что
он делает, это сидит тут...
101
00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:58,883
.... и плачет о том, что он отдел Монику
настоящему мужчине.
102
00:07:59,057 --> 00:08:01,855
- Ты же не думаешь, что он здесь?
- Я не знаю
103
00:08:02,027 --> 00:08:07,090
Это милое место, но должен сказать,
что я не уверен, что вижу себя живущим здесь.
104
00:08:07,298 --> 00:08:09,198
Ну-ка, сейчас проверим.
105
00:08:16,207 --> 00:08:18,505
Да, я вижу себя здесь.
106
00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:22,837
Посмотри на эти кассеты.
В смысле, что он о себе думает?
107
00:08:23,014 --> 00:08:26,541
<i>Высшая сила, Грязный Гарри,</i>
<i>Хладнокровный Люк.</i>
108
00:08:26,718 --> 00:08:28,379
- О боже мой.
- Что?
109
00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:31,921
Здесь кассета с именем Моники.
110
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:36,083
Кассета с именем девчонки,
наверняка на ней секс.
111
00:08:37,362 --> 00:08:38,761
Погоди-ка.
112
00:08:38,930 --> 00:08:41,228
Здесь написано "Моника"
113
00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:45,732
А это квартира Ричарда.
114
00:08:47,739 --> 00:08:49,070
Соображай быстрее.
115
00:09:06,391 --> 00:09:08,450
Вау. Ты выглядишь....
116
00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:10,493
.... как моя мама.
117
00:09:11,963 --> 00:09:14,659
На мне вязаные колготки.
118
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,061
- Здоров. Проходи.
- Ага.
119
00:09:21,639 --> 00:09:24,005
Спасибо.
120
00:09:24,275 --> 00:09:27,438
- О мой бог. Ты богатый.
- Нет, мои родители богатые.
121
00:09:27,612 --> 00:09:31,070
Ну и что? Они же однажды умрут.
Привет
122
00:09:31,282 --> 00:09:32,909
Мама, папа, это Фиби
123
00:09:33,084 --> 00:09:35,848
Фиби, это мои родители, Теодор и Битси.
124
00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:37,510
Теодор, Битси...
125
00:09:39,424 --> 00:09:41,790
... я в восхищении.
126
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:46,187
- Так приятно наконец-то с вами познакомиться.
- И мне.
127
00:09:46,397 --> 00:09:48,695
У вас прекрасный дом.
128
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:52,758
Спасибо. Чуть позже мы вам все покажем.
Здесь три этажа.
129
00:09:52,971 --> 00:09:54,802
Срань господня!
130
00:09:56,641 --> 00:09:59,474
Почему бы вам не пройти и
не познакомиться с нашими друзьями.
131
00:09:59,811 --> 00:10:01,779
Попробуйте меня остановить.
132
00:10:01,946 --> 00:10:05,609
- Что ты делаешь?
- Стараюсь понравиться твои родителям.
133
00:10:05,783 --> 00:10:08,479
Я уверен, что понравишься, но
тебе не нужно так себя вести.
134
00:10:08,653 --> 00:10:11,417
Я хочу, чтобы они познакомились с Фиби,
а не с "Фиби".
135
00:10:12,223 --> 00:10:15,056
Но это же забавно, да?
136
00:10:15,593 --> 00:10:17,686
-Прекращай.
- Ладно.
137
00:10:17,862 --> 00:10:19,887
Сложно остановиться.
138
00:10:20,899 --> 00:10:22,457
Забудь об этом.
139
00:10:22,634 --> 00:10:26,126
Фиби, это наши друзья,
Том и Сью Энгел.
140
00:10:26,304 --> 00:10:29,933
Фиби, присаживайтесь.
Расскажите нам о себе.
141
00:10:30,108 --> 00:10:32,804
- Откуда Вы родом?
- Хорошо.
142
00:10:33,011 --> 00:10:36,538
Ну что ж. Я родилась
в предместьях Нью-Йорка...
143
00:10:36,714 --> 00:10:41,117
...но когда мама покончила с
собой, а отчима посадили в тюрьму...
144
00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:45,848
...я переехала в город.
Первое время жила в сгоревшем "бьюике".
145
00:10:46,024 --> 00:10:48,185
Но это ничего.
Всё было нормально.
146
00:10:48,426 --> 00:10:51,054
Пока я не заболела гепатитом...
147
00:10:51,229 --> 00:10:53,789
...потому что какой-то
сутенёр плюнул мне в рот.
148
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:56,666
Но я поправилась.
149
00:10:56,834 --> 00:11:01,828
Короче, теперь я
внештатная массажистка.
150
00:11:02,006 --> 00:11:06,375
Доход, конечно, непостоянный,
но по крайней мере я не плачу налоги.
151
00:11:13,851 --> 00:11:16,046
Где вы проводите лето?
152
00:11:19,724 --> 00:11:23,524
Я не буду смотреть.
Незачем мне её смотреть.
153
00:11:23,695 --> 00:11:26,391
Никому лучше не станет,
если я её посмотрю.
154
00:11:28,266 --> 00:11:30,427
Мы же знаем,
что я её посмотрю.
155
00:11:31,636 --> 00:11:35,367
- Привет. Как дела?
- Не осуждай меня, я всего лишь человек!
156
00:11:36,174 --> 00:11:37,573
Ты взял кассету?
157
00:11:37,742 --> 00:11:41,337
Конечно! Представь, что ты женат,
и находишь кассету с именем своей жены...
158
00:11:41,512 --> 00:11:44,913
...в квартире другого мужчины.
Ты бы не захотел узнать, что на ней?
159
00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:47,881
Не знаю.
А на ком я женат?
160
00:11:49,587 --> 00:11:51,077
На девушке.
161
00:11:51,256 --> 00:11:52,553
- На красивой?
- Да.
162
00:11:54,692 --> 00:11:56,626
Как ей удалось
заставить меня остепениться?
163
00:11:58,296 --> 00:12:00,093
Я её посмотрю.
164
00:12:00,265 --> 00:12:03,132
Может, там и не то,
что я думаю.
165
00:12:03,301 --> 00:12:07,499
А даже если и то - наверняка
не страшнее того, что я себе навыдумывал.
166
00:12:07,672 --> 00:12:10,004
Или страшнее?
167
00:12:10,441 --> 00:12:13,842
Не знаю. Исходя из опыта, могу сказать,
что если девушка соглашается на видеозапись...
168
00:12:14,012 --> 00:12:16,606
...на всё остальное она
и подавно соглашается.
169
00:12:19,050 --> 00:12:21,314
- Тогда ты посмотришь её вместо меня.
- Что-что?
170
00:12:21,486 --> 00:12:24,148
Всего несколько секунд, чтобы
я знал, что на ней. Пожалуйста.
171
00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:28,821
Хорошо. Но если мне понравится -
вини в этом только себя.
172
00:12:35,099 --> 00:12:38,626
- Почему я слышу крики толпы?
- Всё в порядке, это просто футбольный матч.
173
00:12:39,404 --> 00:12:43,067
- Футбол? Просто футбол?
- Да. Вот видишь, ты зря переживал.
174
00:12:43,241 --> 00:12:45,141
Это футбол!
Просто футбол!
175
00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:48,438
Отлично! Впервые в жизни
я с удовольствием смотрю футбол.
176
00:12:48,613 --> 00:12:51,173
Даже пива захотелось.
177
00:12:53,051 --> 00:12:54,916
Что это?
178
00:12:57,221 --> 00:12:59,815
- Что ты делаешь?
- Тебе не стоит видеть то, что видел я.
179
00:13:01,326 --> 00:13:03,317
Привет.
Что вы делаете?
180
00:13:03,494 --> 00:13:06,429
Господи, это же...
Это Ричард?
181
00:13:11,569 --> 00:13:15,630
- Господи, у меня ничего не получается.
- Нет-нет, всё нормально, правда.
182
00:13:15,807 --> 00:13:19,402
- Иди поговори с моим отцом.
- Хорошо.
183
00:13:19,577 --> 00:13:22,137
- Ты уверен, что я должна быть самой собой?
- Абсолютно.
184
00:13:22,313 --> 00:13:24,679
Разве что поменьше
"сутенёрской слюны".
185
00:13:30,254 --> 00:13:34,520
Теодор, теперь я понимаю,
в кого Майк такой красавец.
186
00:13:35,626 --> 00:13:36,957
Да...
187
00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:41,928
- А фигура... Вы регулярно занимаетесь спортом.
- Нерегулярно, но стараюсь не упускать случая.
188
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,534
Заметно. Защищайтесь!
189
00:13:45,036 --> 00:13:48,403
- Боже мой! Вы в порядке?
- Мне недавно сделали операцию.
190
00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:51,374
- Извините меня.
- Ничего, пройдёт.
191
00:13:51,542 --> 00:13:54,602
- Пойду проверю швы.
- Я очень сожалею.
192
00:13:54,779 --> 00:13:58,840
Вы же не знали. Почему Вам
было не ударить меня в живот.
193
00:14:01,319 --> 00:14:03,981
Ты ударила моего отца?
194
00:14:04,155 --> 00:14:08,216
Прости. Я ещё никогда не
знакомилась с родителями парня.
195
00:14:08,393 --> 00:14:11,055
Но ведь с людьми
в принципе ты встречалась?
196
00:14:11,596 --> 00:14:13,530
Попробуй поговорить с мамой.
197
00:14:13,698 --> 00:14:17,065
Да, хорошо, с мамой. Ладно.
Она приятная женщина.
198
00:14:17,235 --> 00:14:22,104
А я пойду проверю, не открылось
ли у папы внутреннее кровотечение.
199
00:14:23,708 --> 00:14:28,077
Битси? Я хотела Вас за то, что
пригласили меня к себе.
200
00:14:28,279 --> 00:14:29,473
Не стоит благодарности.
201
00:14:29,647 --> 00:14:33,242
А ещё я хочу, чтобы Вы знали,
какой замечательный у Вас сын.
202
00:14:33,418 --> 00:14:37,980
- Спасибо, я тоже так думаю.
- Уверена, этим он обязан своему воспитанию.
203
00:14:38,156 --> 00:14:41,182
Особенно Вам, потому что он очень
уважительно относится к женщинам.
204
00:14:41,359 --> 00:14:45,159
- Неужели?
- Не верите? Он так внимателен ко мне.
205
00:14:45,329 --> 00:14:50,323
И думаю, Вам приятно будет узнать,
что он очень нежный любовник.
206
00:14:54,205 --> 00:14:56,173
Прошу прощения?
207
00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:59,867
Нет, не поймите меня превратно.
Он не распускает слюни, нет.
208
00:15:00,044 --> 00:15:01,875
Когда он берётся за дело...
209
00:15:02,046 --> 00:15:06,176
...кровать скрипит как
корабль во время шторма.
210
00:15:08,453 --> 00:15:11,320
Я горжусь своим мальчиком.
211
00:15:18,229 --> 00:15:19,355
Бесподобно.
212
00:15:22,467 --> 00:15:26,460
Ну пожалуйста,
посмейся, ради мамочки.
213
00:15:26,704 --> 00:15:27,932
Пожалуйста, посмейся ради мамочки.
214
00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:34,778
Не смешно, да?
215
00:15:34,946 --> 00:15:36,914
Значит...
216
00:15:37,081 --> 00:15:41,074
...тебе нравится только
вульгарный современный рэп?
217
00:15:41,285 --> 00:15:45,119
Или рэп вообще?
Мама может спеть рэп.
218
00:15:51,496 --> 00:15:54,090
Нет, я так не могу.
219
00:15:55,900 --> 00:16:00,997
Хорошо, милая. Но только
потому, что очень тебя люблю.
220
00:16:01,305 --> 00:16:05,833
И ты ведь никому не скажешь.
221
00:16:38,809 --> 00:16:41,471
Ты смеёшься, Эмма! Смеёшься!
222
00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:46,310
Тебе правда нравятся мягкие попки?
223
00:16:46,484 --> 00:16:50,443
Ты очень странная девочка.
224
00:16:51,389 --> 00:16:54,358
Ты всё пропустил - она смеялась.
225
00:16:54,525 --> 00:16:55,822
Это было удивительно.
226
00:16:56,193 --> 00:17:00,254
Просто удивительно. Это был
самый прекрасный звук на свете.
227
00:17:00,464 --> 00:17:03,956
Я знаю. А что ты сделала,
чтобы она рассмеялась?
228
00:17:06,003 --> 00:17:09,302
Да так... Испробовала
несколько способов. Разных.
229
00:17:09,473 --> 00:17:11,839
Спела немного
"Жучка-паучка".
230
00:17:13,010 --> 00:17:15,706
Ты спела "У крошки есть попка", да?
231
00:17:16,047 --> 00:17:20,381
Больше ничего не помогало.
Эта девочка хочет слушать только про задницы.
232
00:17:21,652 --> 00:17:25,053
А потом снова припев.
233
00:17:28,225 --> 00:17:31,353
Вот и всё.
Конец песни.
234
00:17:32,997 --> 00:17:36,057
Я знаю, вы не просили её исполнять...
235
00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,793
...но за 17 минут
никто и слова не вымолвил.
236
00:17:40,037 --> 00:17:44,906
В репертуаре Фиби есть замечательные песни.
Помнишь, на днях ты спела одну, которая всем понравилась?
237
00:17:45,543 --> 00:17:46,805
"Парад извращенцев"?
238
00:17:49,313 --> 00:17:52,805
- "Ода лобковому волосу"?
- Остановись.
239
00:17:56,754 --> 00:17:58,881
Боже, это телятина?
240
00:17:59,123 --> 00:18:02,581
Мама, я же говорил,
что Фиби - вегетарианка.
241
00:18:02,827 --> 00:18:06,729
Нет-нет, ничего. Всё в порядке.
Я - вегетарианка...
242
00:18:06,897 --> 00:18:10,526
...но телятину ем. Да.
Телятину просто обожаю.
243
00:18:10,735 --> 00:18:15,331
- Фиби, ты не обязана есть.
- Нет, я вообще люблю детёнышей животных. Котят,
мальков.
244
00:18:16,107 --> 00:18:18,200
И особенно люблю телятину.
245
00:18:18,542 --> 00:18:22,410
Тем более, на ней такой
аппетитный слой жира.
246
00:18:37,561 --> 00:18:39,722
Вкусно.
247
00:18:50,408 --> 00:18:51,966
Ну...
248
00:18:52,743 --> 00:18:54,108
...как она вам?
249
00:18:57,982 --> 00:19:00,507
Ты украл кассету
из квартиры Ричарда?
250
00:19:01,585 --> 00:19:04,520
Меня осуждает порнозвезда.
251
00:19:05,890 --> 00:19:09,291
Эта плёнка не предназначалась
для посторонних глаз...
252
00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:13,362
Джоуи, мне было бы проще
продолжать этот разговор наедине.
253
00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:18,628
Моника, по-моему между нами
уже не осталось никаких секретов.
254
00:19:19,704 --> 00:19:22,264
Не готовы шутить по этому поводу?
Тогда до скорого.
255
00:19:22,673 --> 00:19:26,473
Зачем ты взял эту кассету?
Зачем её смотрел?
256
00:19:26,644 --> 00:19:29,010
Потому что я такой.
257
00:19:29,647 --> 00:19:33,378
Не сомневаюсь, что зрелый мужчина вроде
Ричарда отнёсся бы к подобному зрелищу спокойно.
258
00:19:33,551 --> 00:19:35,951
Для него это была бы
очередная пикантная история...
259
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:40,284
...которую можно рассказать усатым
друзьям за стаканом бренди.
260
00:19:40,958 --> 00:19:44,359
Ты что, переживаешь из-за того,
что у тебя не растут усы?
261
00:19:45,362 --> 00:19:48,331
Я переживаю из-за вас с Ричардом.
Он явно тебя не разлюбил.
262
00:19:48,499 --> 00:19:51,332
Он сохранил кассету, чтобы любоваться
тобой, когда заблагорассудится.
263
00:19:51,502 --> 00:19:55,233
Ну и что? Разве ты
не видишь, насколько он жалок.
264
00:19:55,439 --> 00:19:57,907
Ты не должен ревновать.
Тебе следует его пожалеть.
265
00:19:58,075 --> 00:20:00,873
Да, бедный Ричард, он...
266
00:20:01,045 --> 00:20:03,240
У меня растут усы!
267
00:20:04,515 --> 00:20:09,384
Чендлер, это не наша проблема. Мы с тобой
вместе, остальное не имеет значения.
268
00:20:09,954 --> 00:20:14,721
Да, но я не могу выкинуть из головы,
как ты с ним кувыркаешься...
269
00:20:14,892 --> 00:20:16,757
...задрав ковбойские сапоги.
270
00:20:17,862 --> 00:20:22,663
Ковбойские сапоги? Никогда в жизни
не носила ковбойские сапоги.
271
00:20:22,867 --> 00:20:26,166
Прекрасно, включай.
Очень интересно, чем кончится.
272
00:20:27,037 --> 00:20:31,337
- Это не я!
- Что?
273
00:20:31,742 --> 00:20:34,836
Это не ты!
Жизнь снова прекрасна!
274
00:20:35,679 --> 00:20:38,273
Давай, ковбойша!
275
00:20:38,883 --> 00:20:42,341
Этот негодяй
записал её поверх меня?
276
00:20:44,221 --> 00:20:46,416
Ты огорчена?
277
00:20:46,891 --> 00:20:50,850
Это оскорбительно.
Мог бы разориться на новую кассету!
278
00:20:52,062 --> 00:20:55,998
Да, но важно то,
что мы вместе, верно?
279
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:59,102
Правильно, да.
Но как грубо!
280
00:21:00,571 --> 00:21:05,736
- И мы это делали гораздо лучше...
- И ты закончишь это предложение?
281
00:21:06,544 --> 00:21:08,705
Не понимаю, что он в ней нашёл.
282
00:21:08,879 --> 00:21:12,474
По сравнению с ней его бывшая жена,
вечно глотавшая таблетки, просто чудо.
283
00:21:14,351 --> 00:21:15,375
Привет, дорогой.
284
00:21:16,887 --> 00:21:19,856
- Привет. Что делаете?
- Просто болтаем.
285
00:21:20,024 --> 00:21:22,788
- Как твоя подруга?
- Чуть лучше.
286
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:27,563
Кстати, знаешь, кто возвращается
в город? Дочь Тома и Сью, Джен.
287
00:21:27,798 --> 00:21:32,326
Ты должен её помнить, Майкл.
Она очень милая, воспитанная и незамужем.
288
00:21:32,536 --> 00:21:36,632
- Не интересует.
- Дорогой, давай начистоту.
289
00:21:36,807 --> 00:21:40,800
С этой девушкой ты можешь
развлекаться сколько угодно.
290
00:21:40,978 --> 00:21:43,037
- Но будем реалистами.
- Перестань.
291
00:21:43,214 --> 00:21:47,708
Фиби изо всех сил старалась вам понравиться.
Возможно, вы этого даже не заметили...
292
00:21:47,918 --> 00:21:49,408
...но она делала всё, что могла.
293
00:21:49,587 --> 00:21:54,547
- Согласен, она не такая, как вы.
- Майкл, сутенёр плевал ей в рот.
294
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,727
Ну и что? Если я не обращаю на это внимания,
почему это должно беспокоить вас?
295
00:21:59,897 --> 00:22:03,094
Вы не обязаны её любить, но вам придётся
смириться с тем, что мне она нравится.
296
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:05,734
Я требую уважения
к женщине, которую люблю...
297
00:22:05,903 --> 00:22:09,805
- Которую что?
- Которую что?
298
00:22:12,009 --> 00:22:13,806
Которую люблю.
299
00:22:18,382 --> 00:22:19,713
Я тебя люблю.
300
00:22:21,552 --> 00:22:26,216
Наверное, не стоило впервые
говорить тебе об этом при родителях...
301
00:22:26,390 --> 00:22:28,551
...и Томом со Сью.
302
00:22:28,726 --> 00:22:34,358
Людей, скучнее которых я,
кстати, в жизни не встречал.
303
00:22:36,467 --> 00:22:38,833
- Я тоже тебя люблю.
- Правда?
304
00:22:40,871 --> 00:22:42,429
Да! Здорово, правда?
305
00:22:46,243 --> 00:22:47,767
Хочешь, куда-нибудь сходим?
306
00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:52,545
- Мама, папа. Спасибо за ужин.
- Я прекрасно провела время.
307
00:22:52,716 --> 00:22:56,812
Вечер прошёл по высшему разряду.
И ещё кое-что.
308
00:22:56,987 --> 00:23:01,356
У вас в доме 13 уборных,
а я добежала только до бельевого шкафа.
309
00:23:01,558 --> 00:23:02,752
Пока!
310
00:23:24,915 --> 00:23:26,849
Ещё раз с самого начала!
311
00:23:34,391 --> 00:23:37,417
Рэйчел, умоляю!
Веди себя прилично!
|