1
00:00:03,900 --> 00:00:06,100
"We've got three minutes
till the reactor blows.
2
00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:07,300
"We'll never make it! "
3
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:10,300
"You've got to get out of here!
Save yourself! "
4
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:13,500
"No, I won't leave you."
5
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:17,800
"Don't worry about me.
I'm a robot. I'm just a machine! "
6
00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:22,900
-"No, you're not. Not to me."
-Oh, my God.
7
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:26,000
-What?
-I am extremely talented.
8
00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,700
-Yeah. You're great.
-Yeah.
9
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:32,600
-Okay, let's take it from--
-No, I mean, I was really acting my ass off.
10
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,400
I thought I was pretty good, too.
11
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:38,100
Yeah, you're solid. You're just no me.
12
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,900
You know what?
I think that's enough for now.
13
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,100
I don't want to be over-rehearsed.
14
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:47,400
Fine. I'll do it without you!
15
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,400
I don't need you or anybody else!
16
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,800
I'm gonna make it on my own!
17
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,100
You'll see! You'll all see!
18
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:02,100
The One With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
19
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:03,300
English subtitles by Softitler
20
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:38,700
So, what's this thing
you're auditioning for?
21
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,500
It's a new TV show. Yeah.
22
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,900
I'm up for the part of Mac,
Machiavelli, or "Mac"!
23
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,900
I'm a detective and I solve crimes
with the help of my robot partner.
24
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,500
He's a computerized humanoid...
25
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,700
...electronically enhanced, secret enforcer.
26
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,600
Or, "C.H.E.E.S.E."
27
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:03,600
-So, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.?
-That's the title!
28
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:08,300
They really lucked out
that the initials spell "cheese."
29
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,300
That is lucky.
30
00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:14,100
So Joey, if you get this,
you're gonna be, like...
31
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,900
...the star of your own TV show.
32
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:20,300
I mean, you'll be like the "Big Cheese"
or the "Big Mac." Hey, you love those!
33
00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:23,900
Don't get your hopes up,
because it's probably not gonna happen.
34
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,700
Now, why would you say that, Joseph?
35
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,800
Well, I mean, come on you guys.
My own TV show?
36
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,600
-I don't know if I'm good enough.
-I am.
37
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:36,300
What are you talkin' about?
You're a terrific actor.
38
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,800
-You really think so?
-How can you even ask that question?
39
00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:44,600
-She's pretty.
-Yeah. And she's really nice, too.
40
00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:47,700
She taught me all about, you know,
how to work with cameras...
41
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,800
...and "smell the fart" acting.
42
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,100
-I'm sorry. What, Joey?
-What? Excuse me?
43
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:58,200
It's like you got so many lines
to learn so fast...
44
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:01,500
...that sometimes you need a minute
to remember your next one.
45
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:06,300
So while you're thinkin' of it, you take
this big pause where you look all intense.
46
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:07,900
You know, like this.
47
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,200
Okay.
48
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,900
Here's my scene! Here's my scene!
49
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,700
Mrs. Wallace?
50
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,400
I'm Dr. Drake Ramorey,
your sister's neurosurgeon.
51
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,600
You sister is suffering from a....
52
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:31,500
Well, Eva, we've done
some excellent work here.
53
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:37,900
And I would have to say
your problem is quite clear.
54
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,300
"All you want is a tinkle
55
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,300
"What you envy's a schwang
56
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:49,800
"A thing through which you can tinkle
57
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,900
"Or play with or simply let hang"
58
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,200
I play AI Pacino's butt.
59
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,300
All right?
60
00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:01,600
He goes into the shower and then,
I'm his butt.
61
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,900
-Oh, my God.
-Come on, you guys.
62
00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:08,000
This is a real movie and AI Pacino's in it,
and that's big!
63
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:12,100
No, it's terrific. You deserve this
after all your years of struggling...
64
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:15,600
...you've finally been able
to crack your way into show business.
65
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:22,400
Okay, fine, make jokes. I don't care.
This is a big break for me.
66
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,700
-No, you're right, it is.
-Yeah.
67
00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:27,700
So, you gonna invite us all
to the big opening?
68
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,900
All right, I'm out of here. Wish me luck.
69
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,200
"Good luck, good luck
We all wish you good luck"
70
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:40,800
Yeah, whatever.
71
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:46,900
It's your turn.
72
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:49,600
Oh, are we playing this?
73
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,500
Hi. How did the audition go?
74
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:57,700
Terrible. I messed up every word.
I shouldn't even be an actor.
75
00:04:57,900 --> 00:05:01,300
Wait. Are you doin' that thing
where you pretend it didn't go well...
76
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,200
...but it really did go well?
77
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:07,000
-Yeah, did I fool ya?
-Totally!
78
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,900
-So, it did go well?
-It went amazingly well!
79
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,200
-Great!
-That's great.
80
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:14,500
-It's down to me and two other guys.
-Oh, my God!
81
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,800
I know both of them,
and they're really good.
82
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,900
One's from those allergy commercials
who's always being chased...
83
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,800
-...by those big flowers.
-Oh, I love that guy!
84
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,800
What are you doing?
85
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:27,500
What am I doing?
86
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,900
I'm so nervous, you know?
The callback isn't 'til tomorrow at 5:00.
87
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,900
I feel like my head's gonna explode.
88
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,700
Well, it is overdue.
89
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,800
Don't worry, okay? You're gonna be fine.
90
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:41,700
Yeah, but it's so much pressure.
91
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,500
No offense, but what you guys all do
is very different.
92
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,200
I don't know if you'd understand.
93
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,600
Yeah, none of the rest of us
have to deal with pressure at our jobs.
94
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:54,400
Yes, I know what time it is, but I'm looking
at the wee-ness and I'm not happy.
95
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,800
Well, I'm tearing the lettuce.
96
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:00,900
-Is it dirty?
-No, don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.
97
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,100
Don't. I like it dirty.
98
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,200
That's your call.
99
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,600
So, what are you going to do next?
100
00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:13,400
Well, I thought
that I would cut up the tomatoes.
101
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,400
Are they firm?
102
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:18,700
They're all right.
103
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:23,100
You sure they haven't gone bad?
You sure they're not very, very bad?
104
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,300
No, really. They're okay.
105
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,900
You gonna slice 'em up real nice?
106
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,600
Actually, I was gonna do them julienne.
107
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:36,800
I'm out of here.
108
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,400
Monica, I'm quitting. I just helped
an 81-year-old woman put on a thong...
109
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,500
...and she didn't even buy it.
110
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,300
I'm quitting. That's it.
I'm talking to my boss right now.
111
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,400
Yes, I am. Yes, I am.
112
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,600
Okay, bye.
Call me when you get this message.
113
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,200
Well, what happened?
114
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:57,200
Well, he came in for a massage,
and everything was fine until....
115
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,200
Oh, my God.
116
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,600
And all of a sudden,
his hands weren't the problem anymore.
117
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:13,400
-Was it?
-Boy Scouts could've camped under there.
118
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,500
You ate my sandwich.
119
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,200
It was a simple mistake.
It could happen to anyone.
120
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:20,300
Really?
121
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,400
Now calm down.
122
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:27,000
Come look in my office.
Some of it may still be in the trash.
123
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,900
-What?
-Well, it was quite large.
124
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,300
I had to throw most of it away.
125
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,800
You threw my sandwich away?
126
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,500
My sandwich?
127
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,500
My sandwich!
128
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:47,500
It's just, I want this part so much,
you know?
129
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:51,700
If I don't get this part, I'm never gonna eat
macaroni and cheese again.
130
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,300
No, I didn't say that. That doesn't count.
131
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:01,200
Come on, guys.
It's not like I moved to Europe.
132
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,200
I just moved across the hall.
133
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,600
And we would have you over all the time...
134
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,200
...if it weren't for Monica's allergies.
135
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,300
You're right, I could never lie to you.
136
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,800
She hates you.
137
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,400
Should I get that?
138
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,200
Hello? No, Joey's not here right now.
139
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,000
Can I take a message?
140
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,600
Yeah, okay. So the audition's been moved
from 5:00 to 2:30?
141
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,600
Okay, great. Bye.
142
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:44,000
-Aren't you dressed yet?
-Am I naked again?
143
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,900
We're supposed to meet my parents
in 15 minutes.
144
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,600
Okay. I was just talkin' to the guys.
Just look at 'em.
145
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:53,000
I mean, is it okay if they come visit?
146
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,500
What about my allergies?
147
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,300
Right. Your allergies.
148
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,400
All her. She hates you.
149
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,100
Yes! All right.
150
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:21,400
How cool would it be if you could watch
like a real life-size version of this?
151
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:24,700
-I mean, how crazy would that be?
-As crazy as soccer?
152
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:30,500
Hello?
153
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,000
What are you talkin' about?
The audition's not 'til 5:00.
154
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,500
Well, nobody told me.
155
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:41,600
Who'd you talk to?
156
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,000
Never mind.
157
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,500
You mean you didn't get it from this?
158
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:53,400
The allergy guy got the part. Thanks.
159
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,100
Maybe we can fix it, you know?
160
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,800
Maybe we can send him
some big, big flowers and scare him!
161
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,900
How could you do this to me?
162
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,400
This part could've turned
my whole career around.
163
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:06,600
I messed up, okay?
I'm sorry. I really messed up.
164
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,400
You don't even live here anymore.
Why'd you answer my phone?
165
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:12,000
-I have a machine!
-Which I bought for ya.
166
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,200
Taught ya how to use it.
You thought it was a copier.
167
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,300
If there was anything I could do,
I would do it, okay?
168
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,800
But everybody's allowed
one mistake, right?
169
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,700
He could have gotten me a VCR.
170
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,400
He could have gotten me golf clubs.
171
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:29,100
But no, he has to get me
the "Woman Repeller."
172
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,400
The eyesore from
the "Liberace House of Crap! "
173
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,200
-It's not that bad.
-Easy for you to say.
174
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:38,300
You don't have to sport a reject
from the "Mr. T" collection.
175
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,800
Chandler. Chandler.
176
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,000
I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry!
I do! I do!
177
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,300
I pity the fool that....
178
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:50,600
When you were late last night,
Kathy and I got to talking and...
179
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,200
...one thing led to another and....
180
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,000
And what? Did you sleep with her?
181
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:59,800
-No! No, I just kissed her.
-What? That's even worse!
182
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,600
-How is that worse?
-I don't know! But it's the same!
183
00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:06,900
You're right, I have no excuses.
I was totally over the line.
184
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,400
"Over the line?"
185
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:11,700
You're so far past the line
that you can't even see the line!
186
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,700
Yeah, the line is a dot to you!
187
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,000
I'm not saying that you should
magically forgive me.
188
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:20,800
But you're not perfect.
You've made some errors in judgment, too.
189
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,100
Name one!
190
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,000
What happened?
191
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,800
Man! He promised
he wouldn't take the chairs!
192
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,600
What the hell happened?
How were you locked in?
193
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,900
And where the hell's all of our stuff?
194
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,400
This guy came by to look at the unit...
195
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,800
...and he said he didn't think
it was big enough to fit a grown man.
196
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,400
So you got in voluntarily?
197
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,700
I was tryin' to make a sale!
198
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,800
Man, if I ever run into that guy again,
you know what I'm gonna do?
199
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,000
Bend over?
200
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:52,600
There's Lori.
201
00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:56,700
Okay, now remember, no trading.
You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
202
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,900
-Hi, Joey.
-Hey.
203
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,800
Well, well. Look what you brought.
204
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,800
And what did you bring?
205
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,500
She's checking her coat.
206
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,800
Joey, I'm gonna go wash
the cab smell off my hands.
207
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,400
Will you get me a white Zinfandel
and a glass of red for Janice.
208
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,300
Janice?
209
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:31,300
Oh, my God!
210
00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:35,200
Joey's tailor took advantage of me.
211
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:37,800
What?
212
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:41,200
No way. I've been goin'
to the guy for 12 years.
213
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:43,200
You said he was gonna do my inseam...
214
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:47,000
...then he ran his hand up my leg
and then there was definite....
215
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,200
What?
216
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,000
Cupping.
217
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:55,700
That's how they do pants!
218
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:58,400
Ross, will you tell him?
219
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:02,200
-Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
-Yes, yes, it is. In prison!
220
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:06,800
I said name one!
221
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,200
-I can't believe I did this. What an idiot!
-Stop beating yourself up.
222
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,900
People make mistakes.
These things happen.
223
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:25,000
I hope there aren't any messages
you've forgotten to give me, are there?
224
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,700
Apparently, you're not very good at it.
225
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,000
-Do you think he'll ever forgive me?
-Of course he will.
226
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:34,100
Chandler, the most important thing
is that you forgive yourself.
227
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:37,000
-You know what, I kind of have.
-Already?
228
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,400
That was pretty bad what you did.
229
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,900
You know what? He will forgive you.
230
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:46,400
I like to bring a pad with me when I go
answer the phone, just in case. Okay?
231
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,500
You didn't see how mad he was,
you know?
232
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,200
I'm sure he will forgive you.
233
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:53,200
Look, we've all been there, you know?
You fight, you make up.
234
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,400
That's the way it works.
235
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,700
It took two people to break up
this relationship!
236
00:13:57,700 --> 00:13:59,800
Yeah! You and that girl from
the copy place...
237
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:02,600
...which yesterday you took
full responsibility for!
238
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:05,600
I didn't know what I was taking
responsibility for, okay?
239
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:07,400
I didn't finish the whole letter.
240
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,000
-What?
-I fell asleep.
241
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,100
You fell asleep?
242
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:14,900
It was 5:30 in the morning.
243
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:19,500
And you had rambled on for 18 pages.
244
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:22,700
Front and back!
245
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:29,600
And by the way?
Y-O-U, apostrophe R-E means, "you are."
246
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,900
Y-O-U-R means "your."
247
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,300
I can't believe I thought
of getting back together with you.
248
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,200
We are so over!
249
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,100
Fine by me!
250
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,900
And just so you know,
it's not that common...
251
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,200
...it doesn't happen to every guy,
and it is a big deal!
252
00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:51,100
I knew it!
253
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,100
You had no right to go out with him.
254
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:55,700
That is the most ridiculous--
255
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,800
-You sold me out!
-I did not sell you out!
256
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:01,400
-Yes, you did! You absolutely sold me--
-Would you let me talk?
257
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:05,900
Did you just flick me?
258
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,700
Okay, well you wouldn't let me finish
and I was just--
259
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,100
Stop it!
260
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:13,700
-Stop.
-Stop.
261
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:17,000
-All right. No, let's not do this.
-No!
262
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,000
-Happy thoughts.
-No!
263
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,200
-Happy thoughts.
-No!
264
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,600
Okay, now I'm gonna kick some ass!
265
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,500
All right. Now, I will let go
if you both stop.
266
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,000
-Fine.
-Fine.
267
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,100
There we go.
268
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,000
Okay, buddy boy, here it is.
269
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:55,200
You hide my clothes?
I'm wearin' everything you own.
270
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,600
Oh, my God!
271
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,900
Look at me, I'm Chandler!
Could I be wearin' any more clothes?
272
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,700
Maybe if I wasn't going "commando".
273
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:14,900
I tell ya, it's hot with all this stuff on.
I'd better not do any lunges.
274
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:24,200
"I think of all the friends I've known
275
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:30,200
"But when I dial the telephone
276
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,700
"Nobody's home
277
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:46,600
"All by myself
278
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:54,900
"Don't want to be
all by myself
279
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,400
"Anymore
280
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,600
"All by myself"
281
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,500
Joey?
282
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:11,000
Got you the Joey special! Two pizzas!
283
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,000
Hello? Damn it!
284
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,200
Hello?
285
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:24,100
No, Joey's not here right now,
but I can take a message. I think.
286
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:28,700
He's still got a chance for the part?
That's great news!
287
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,600
Well, no, obviously not for the actor
who was mauled by his dog.
288
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,500
Well, that's great.
I will give Joey the message. Thank you.
289
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,600
Yes!
290
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,000
Okay.
291
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:41,700
Mac...
292
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,000
...audition...
293
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,600
...at 2:00.
294
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,200
Allergy...
295
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:50,900
...actor...
296
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,600
...attacked.
297
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,600
By dog...
298
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,400
...not...
299
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,200
...flowers.
300
00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:15,100
Please tell me you got the message.
301
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,800
-What message?
-The actor playing Mac couldn't do it.
302
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,600
-They needed to see you at 2:00.
-What? It's 6:00!
303
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,200
Look! I wrote it! I wrote it on the board!
304
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,900
I wrote it down,
then went lookin' all over for ya!
305
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,800
I went to Ross's, the coffee house....
306
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,700
I went to any place
that they make sandwiches!
307
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:35,000
-I can't believe this, Chandler!
-I'm sorry.
308
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:37,400
I don't know what to say!
309
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,500
You might say, "Congratulations! "
310
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:44,300
I saw the board, I went to the audition,
I got the part!
311
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,800
Was that supposed to be funny?
I was worried over here.
312
00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:51,400
-I'm sorry.
-At times that fake-out thing is just mean.
313
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:54,400
Okay, man. I'm sorry.
I did not mean to make you feel bad.
314
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,800
Well, that's good.
315
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,100
Because ya didn't!
And I'm incredibly happy for ya!
316
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,200
That's mean!
317
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,500
-You had me goin' there!
-We could do this all day.
318
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,000
Yeah, you're right.
319
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,400
Look, let's talk about
what a huge star I'm gonna be.
320
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,700
You are gonna be a huge star!
I'm gonna hug ya!
321
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,400
-You hug me!
-All right.
322
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,200
"You've really got a hold on me
323
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:22,300
"You've really got a hold on me
324
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,800
"Baby!
325
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:31,800
"I love you
326
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:36,600
"And all I want you to do is just
Hold me
327
00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:37,700
"Please
328
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,800
"Squeeze me, hold me"
329
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:45,000
-Do we do this too much?
-I think so.
330
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,100
-Yeah. Get off me.
-Yeah.
331
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,900
"Come on, C.H.E.E.S.E.,
I'm not leaving without you.
332
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,100
"Try routing your backup power source
through your primary CPU."
333
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,400
"I can't! My circuits are fried!
They're fried, I tell you! "
334
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:10,600
"Well, then I'll just have to carry you!
"
335
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,800
"That'll be a neat trick...
336
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:15,300
"...when you're dead! "
337
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,000
Ross, you don't have to yell.
338
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:23,000
There was just an explosion, okay?
My hearing would be impaired.
339
00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:25,700
I thought you were excellent.
340
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,800
In fact, for a minute there, I was like,
"Where did Ross go?"
341
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:33,400
Thank you. And I have to say
that first scene where you meet Mac....
342
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,400
-Yeah?
-Oh, my God. I mean....
343
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:36,900
And you know what?
344
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,000
I think that's enough for today.
Thanks for your help.
345
00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,600
-Holding us back.
-Totally.
|
1
00:00:05,183 --> 00:00:08,550
"У нас есть три минуты до взрыва.
Нам не удастся сделать это!"
2
00:00:08,754 --> 00:00:11,746
"Ты сможешь уйти!
Спасайся сам!"
3
00:00:13,559 --> 00:00:14,924
"Я не могу оставить тебя."
4
00:00:15,127 --> 00:00:19,564
"Не беспокойся обо мне.
Я робот. Я всего лишь машина!"
5
00:00:21,466 --> 00:00:24,902
- "Нет, не для меня."
- О Боже.
6
00:00:25,437 --> 00:00:28,099
- Что?
- Я невероятно талантлива.
7
00:00:29,241 --> 00:00:30,765
- Да. Ты прекрасна.
- Да.
8
00:00:30,976 --> 00:00:34,935
- Ладно, давай продолжим с...
- Нет, я хочу сказать, я действительно играю на
пределе сил.
9
00:00:36,014 --> 00:00:37,777
Я думаю что я тоже неплох.
10
00:00:37,983 --> 00:00:40,781
Да, ты убедителен. Но до меня тебе далеко.
11
00:00:42,487 --> 00:00:44,580
Знаешь что?
Я думаю что на сегодня достаточно.
12
00:00:44,790 --> 00:00:47,384
Я не хочу перерепетировать.
13
00:00:47,593 --> 00:00:50,426
Ну и ладно. Я смогу это сделать и без тебя!
14
00:00:50,996 --> 00:00:53,521
Я не нуждаюсь ни в тебе, ни в ком либо еще!
15
00:00:53,765 --> 00:00:55,995
Я сделаю это сама!
16
00:00:57,703 --> 00:01:00,467
Вот увидишь! Вы все увидите!
17
00:01:02,674 --> 00:01:05,734
Эпизод с Маком и Чизом
Переводчик: Джамиля Сотавова для friends10.ru
18
00:01:40,112 --> 00:01:42,740
Итак что это за пробы?
19
00:01:42,948 --> 00:01:44,210
Это новое ТВ шоу.
20
00:01:44,383 --> 00:01:48,877
У меня роль Мака Макиавелли,
или просто "Мак"!
21
00:01:50,355 --> 00:01:54,086
Я детектив и я раскрываю преступления
вместе с моим робот-партнером.
22
00:01:54,259 --> 00:01:56,659
Он компьютеризированный гуманоид...
23
00:01:56,828 --> 00:01:59,991
улучшенный секретным электронным способом.
24
00:02:00,165 --> 00:02:02,656
или просто С.Ы.Р."
25
00:02:03,969 --> 00:02:08,235
- Итак, Мак и С.Ы.Р.?
- Так и называется!
26
00:02:10,108 --> 00:02:13,509
Им повезло, что инициалы сложились в слово.
27
00:02:13,679 --> 00:02:15,237
Да уж повезло.
28
00:02:16,648 --> 00:02:19,116
Итак, Джоуи, если ты получишь роль,
ты станешь этим...
29
00:02:19,317 --> 00:02:20,978
звездой своего собственного ТВ шоу.
30
00:02:21,186 --> 00:02:25,623
Я хочу сказать, ты будешь как "Большой Сыр"
или "Биг Мак." Эй, ты любишь их!
31
00:02:26,258 --> 00:02:29,352
Не надейтесь на это.
Это вряд ли произойдёт.
32
00:02:29,561 --> 00:02:31,222
Почему ты так говоришь?
33
00:02:31,430 --> 00:02:34,456
Да ладно вам, ребята.
Моё собственное ТВ шоу?
34
00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:37,430
- Я не думаю, что достаточно хорош для этого.
- А я думаю, что достаточно.
35
00:02:39,304 --> 00:02:42,467
О чём ты говоришь?
Ты потрясающий актёр.
36
00:02:42,641 --> 00:02:46,805
- Ты правда так думаешь?
- Как ты можешь вообще спрашивать об этом?
37
00:02:47,612 --> 00:02:50,911
[02x11] - А она красивая.
- Да. И ещё очень милая.
38
00:02:51,116 --> 00:02:54,210
Она научила меня,
как работать на камеры...
39
00:02:54,419 --> 00:02:57,149
...и актёрскому приёму
"понюхай пук".
40
00:02:59,324 --> 00:03:01,189
- Прости. Что?
- Извини?
41
00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:05,154
Нам нужно так быстро
запоминать столько текста...
42
00:03:05,363 --> 00:03:08,298
...что иногда нужно время, чтобы
вспомнить свою следующую реплику.
43
00:03:08,734 --> 00:03:13,569
И пока ты думаешь, то делаешь ту длинную
паузу, во время которой выглядишь напряжённым.
44
00:03:13,772 --> 00:03:15,706
Вот так:
45
00:03:17,676 --> 00:03:19,075
Ясно.
46
00:03:20,378 --> 00:03:22,539
Вот моя сцена!
Вот моя сцена!
47
00:03:23,248 --> 00:03:26,911
Миссис Уолес? Я доктор Дрэйк
Реморе, хирург вашей сестры.
48
00:03:27,452 --> 00:03:30,353
У вашей сестры...
49
00:03:34,726 --> 00:03:39,891
[01x06] Что ж, Ева, мы с вами
хорошо поработали.
50
00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:46,598
И скажу вам:
ваша проблема вполне ясна.
51
00:03:49,174 --> 00:03:52,268
Всё, что вам нужно -
это пиписька.
52
00:03:53,044 --> 00:03:55,376
Ведь вы
завидуете пенису.
53
00:03:55,947 --> 00:03:59,007
Той штуке,
через которую писают.
54
00:03:59,451 --> 00:04:02,113
С которой можно поиграться,
или просто оставить болтаться.
55
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,686
Я играю задницу Аль Пачино.
56
00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:07,947
Ясно?
57
00:04:08,126 --> 00:04:11,960
Он заходит в душ, и тут
появляюсь я - его задница.
58
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:14,655
- О Боже мой.
- Да ладно вам, ребята.
59
00:04:14,833 --> 00:04:18,200
Это настоящее кино, и там
играет Аль Пачино! Это успех!
60
00:04:18,403 --> 00:04:22,271
Это великолепно. Ты это заслужил.
После стольких лет упорной борьбы...
61
00:04:22,474 --> 00:04:26,069
...ты наконец нашёл, через какую
дырку пролезть в шоу-бизнес.
62
00:04:29,014 --> 00:04:33,144
Ладно, шутите. Мне всё равно.
Для меня это большой прорыв!
63
00:04:33,351 --> 00:04:35,751
- Нет, ты прав, это на самом деле так.
- Да.
64
00:04:35,987 --> 00:04:38,547
Ну ты хоть пригласишь нас на премьеру?
("opening" = "первый показ",
"отверстие")
65
00:04:40,892 --> 00:04:43,053
Ладно, я пошёл. Пожелайте мне удачи.
66
00:04:43,261 --> 00:04:48,221
Удачи, удачи.
Мы все желаем тебе удачи.
67
00:04:50,502 --> 00:04:52,367
Ну, так или иначе.
68
00:04:54,172 --> 00:04:57,198
Вау, если бы я умела танцевать,
я была бы втройне опасной.
69
00:05:03,081 --> 00:05:04,548
Твой ход.
70
00:05:05,584 --> 00:05:07,415
О, мы играем в это?
71
00:05:09,754 --> 00:05:11,244
Как прошли пробы?
72
00:05:11,423 --> 00:05:15,655
Ужасно. Я перепутал все слова.
Не следовало мне становиться актёром.
73
00:05:15,861 --> 00:05:21,026
Стой. Ты опять притворяешься, что пробы
прошли плохо, но на самом деле все было хорошо?
74
00:05:22,133 --> 00:05:25,398
- Да, я вас провёл?
- Полностью!
75
00:05:26,838 --> 00:05:30,035
- Так значит они прошли хорошо?
- Невероятно хорошо!
76
00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:33,678
- Здорово!
- Кроме меня осталось ещё двое ребят.
77
00:05:33,879 --> 00:05:36,006
И они действительно хороши.
78
00:05:36,181 --> 00:05:40,015
Один из них из рекламы аллергии,
где его преследуют цветы.
79
00:05:40,218 --> 00:05:41,845
О, я его обожаю!
80
00:05:42,821 --> 00:05:44,914
Что ты делаешь?
81
00:05:45,123 --> 00:05:46,818
А действительно, что?
82
00:05:48,526 --> 00:05:52,360
Я так нервничаю, понимаешь?
Следующий раз нас вызовут только завтра в 17:00.
83
00:05:52,564 --> 00:05:57,399
- Я чувствую, что моя голова вот-вот взорвётся.
- Что ж, давно пора.
84
00:05:57,569 --> 00:06:01,528
- Не беспокойся. Все будет хорошо.
- Но это такое давление.
85
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:05,870
То чем вы занимаетесь, ребята - это совсем другое.
Я понимаю, что вам меня не понять.
86
00:06:06,444 --> 00:06:09,845
Да, у нас нет никакого давления
на нашей работе.
87
00:06:10,048 --> 00:06:15,008
[01x15] Я знаю, который час, но я смотрю на
ВЕНИС и я недоволен. (звучит похоже на "пенис")
88
00:06:16,454 --> 00:06:18,581
[02x14] Итак, я рву салат.
89
00:06:19,257 --> 00:06:21,817
- Он грязный?
- Не беспокойтесь, я его помою.
90
00:06:22,027 --> 00:06:24,154
Не стоит.
Мне нравится, когда грязный.
91
00:06:27,065 --> 00:06:28,430
Как
пожелаете.
92
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,933
Итак, что вы будете
делать потом?
93
00:06:32,137 --> 00:06:34,605
Думаю, что
нарежу помидоры.
94
00:06:34,806 --> 00:06:37,070
Они твёрдые?
95
00:06:39,210 --> 00:06:42,475
- Они нормальные.
- Вы уверены, что они не испорчены?
96
00:06:42,647 --> 00:06:45,275
Вы уверены, что они
не очень, очень испорчены?
97
00:06:49,154 --> 00:06:53,056
- Нет, точно, они нормальные.
- Вы нарежете их красивыми дольками?
98
00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:56,453
Вообще-то я люблю,
когда подлиннее.
99
00:06:57,963 --> 00:06:59,328
Я пошла отсюда.
100
00:06:59,531 --> 00:07:03,194
[04x13] Я увольняюсь. Я только что помогла
81-летней женщине мерить стринги...
101
00:07:03,401 --> 00:07:05,426
...а она их даже не купила.
102
00:07:06,037 --> 00:07:09,234
Я увольняюсь. Это точно.
Я сейчас же поговорю со своим начальником.
103
00:07:09,441 --> 00:07:11,500
Да, поговорю. Да.
104
00:07:12,510 --> 00:07:14,774
Пока. Перезвони мне,
когда получишь это сообщение.
105
00:07:14,946 --> 00:07:16,379
[01x12] Ну, что произошло?
106
00:07:16,581 --> 00:07:20,677
Ну, он пришёл на массаж,
и всё было хорошо, пока...
107
00:07:24,189 --> 00:07:25,679
О Боже.
108
00:07:26,057 --> 00:07:30,050
И вдруг его руки перестали
быть главной проблемой.
109
00:07:34,299 --> 00:07:37,530
- А он был...?
- Бойскауты могли бы заночевать там в походе.
110
00:07:39,104 --> 00:07:40,503
[05x09] Вы съели мой сэндвич?
111
00:07:40,905 --> 00:07:43,237
Я просто ошибся.
Это могло случиться с кем угодно.
112
00:07:43,708 --> 00:07:45,642
Да ладно?
113
00:07:46,311 --> 00:07:47,903
Прошу, успокойтесь.
114
00:07:48,079 --> 00:07:52,243
Пойдёмте посмотрим в моем кабинете. Возможно,
что-то от него ещё осталось в мусорном ведре.
115
00:07:53,651 --> 00:07:55,812
- Что?
- Ну, он был довольно большой.
116
00:07:55,987 --> 00:07:59,081
Мне пришлось выбросить
большую часть.
117
00:07:59,257 --> 00:08:02,988
Вы выбросили мой сэндвич?
118
00:08:03,828 --> 00:08:05,728
Мой сэндвич?
119
00:08:05,930 --> 00:08:08,865
Мой сэндвич!
120
00:08:10,335 --> 00:08:12,860
Я так хочу получить эту роль.
121
00:08:13,304 --> 00:08:17,365
Если я не получу эту роль, я больше
никогда не съем макароны с сыром.
122
00:08:17,575 --> 00:08:20,135
Я не говорил этого. Это не в счёт.
123
00:08:24,182 --> 00:08:27,242
Перестаньте, ребята.
Я же не в Европу переехал.
124
00:08:27,452 --> 00:08:29,420
Я лишь переехал в квартиру напротив.
125
00:08:29,621 --> 00:08:31,816
И вы были бы
у нас всё время...
126
00:08:32,023 --> 00:08:35,686
...если бы не аллергия Моники.
127
00:08:37,529 --> 00:08:39,895
Вы правы, я никогда не мог вам врать.
128
00:08:40,098 --> 00:08:41,497
Она вас ненавидит.
129
00:08:43,735 --> 00:08:45,202
Можно мне снять трубку?
130
00:08:47,972 --> 00:08:52,773
Алло? Нет, Джоуи сейчас нет.
Могу я передать ему что-то?
131
00:08:53,244 --> 00:08:56,839
Да, хорошо. Пробы переносятся
с 17:00 на 14:30?
132
00:08:57,048 --> 00:08:59,016
Да, отлично. Пока.
133
00:09:08,426 --> 00:09:11,884
- Ты ещё не одет?
- Я опять голый?
134
00:09:13,531 --> 00:09:16,056
Мы встречаемся с моими родителями
через 15 минут.
135
00:09:16,267 --> 00:09:18,997
Я просто разговаривал с ребятами.
Посмотри на них.
136
00:09:19,204 --> 00:09:21,297
Можно, они
придут в гости?
137
00:09:21,506 --> 00:09:23,940
А как же моя аллергия?
138
00:09:24,142 --> 00:09:26,838
Верно. Твоя аллергия.
139
00:09:29,047 --> 00:09:30,571
Это все она. Она вас ненавидит.
140
00:09:43,061 --> 00:09:45,427
Да! Отлично.
141
00:09:46,631 --> 00:09:50,863
Как бы было здорово, если бы мы могли
смотреть на это в натуральную величину.
142
00:09:51,069 --> 00:09:54,869
- Я имею в виду, какое бы это было сумасшествие?
- Сумасшествие, как футбол?
143
00:09:59,410 --> 00:10:00,434
Алло?
144
00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:04,773
О чём вы говорите?
Прослушивание в 17.
145
00:10:07,952 --> 00:10:09,783
Никто не сказал мне.
146
00:10:10,355 --> 00:10:11,583
С кем вы говорили?
147
00:10:16,494 --> 00:10:17,688
Неважно.
148
00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:21,064
Ты хочешь сказать,
ты не понял, что здесь?
149
00:10:21,766 --> 00:10:26,100
- Аллергичного парня взяли на эту роль. Спасибо.
- Может быть, мы сможем это исправить?
150
00:10:26,404 --> 00:10:30,033
Может быть, мы отправим ему
несколько больших цветов и испугаем его!
151
00:10:30,708 --> 00:10:34,610
Как ты мог это сделать? Это могло
перевернуть мою карьеру.
152
00:10:34,846 --> 00:10:38,145
Я облажался, ладно?
Прости меня. Я действительно облажался.
153
00:10:38,349 --> 00:10:40,715
Почему ты ответил на мой телефон?
154
00:10:40,885 --> 00:10:44,116
- У меня есть автоответчик!
- Который я купил для тебя.
155
00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:48,090
И которым научил тебя пользоваться.
Ты думал, это ксерокс.
156
00:10:49,894 --> 00:10:52,385
Если бы я мог сделать для
тебя хоть что-то, я бы сделал.
157
00:10:52,597 --> 00:10:55,361
Каждый может один раз
ошибиться, верно?
158
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:58,468
[02x14] Он мог подарить мне видеомагнитофон
или набор клюшек для гольфа.
159
00:10:58,636 --> 00:11:01,799
Но нет! Он подарил мне
"отпугиватель женщин"!
160
00:11:02,340 --> 00:11:05,707
Вырви-глаз из
коллекции отстоя Либерачи!
161
00:11:05,877 --> 00:11:08,175
- Он не настолько плох.
- Тебе легко говорить.
162
00:11:08,379 --> 00:11:12,179
Ты же не щеголяешь в браслете,
забракованном для коллекции мистера Ти!
163
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:16,311
"Жаль мне того дурака, который
наденет моё украшение! Жаль".
164
00:11:16,487 --> 00:11:18,512
"Жаль мне того дурака..."
165
00:11:20,258 --> 00:11:24,024
[04x07] Когда ты вчера задерживался,
мы с Кэти разговаривали...
166
00:11:24,195 --> 00:11:26,595
...и слово за слово...
167
00:11:27,098 --> 00:11:29,589
И что?
Ты с ней переспал?
168
00:11:29,767 --> 00:11:33,601
- Нет, я только поцеловал её.
- Что? Это ещё хуже!
169
00:11:34,472 --> 00:11:37,373
- Как это хуже?
- Не знаю, но это одно и то же!
170
00:11:37,775 --> 00:11:40,972
Мне нет оправданий.
Я перешёл границы.
171
00:11:41,179 --> 00:11:42,544
Перешёл границы?
172
00:11:42,747 --> 00:11:45,944
Да ты так далеко перешёл за
границу, что её уже даже не видно!
173
00:11:46,150 --> 00:11:48,141
Для тебя граница
уже превратилась в точку!
174
00:11:48,886 --> 00:11:51,514
Я не говорю, что ты должен
волшебным образом простить меня.
175
00:11:51,956 --> 00:11:55,289
Но и ты не идеален.
Ты делал ошибки в суждениях.
176
00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:56,649
Назови хоть одну!
177
00:11:58,129 --> 00:11:59,653
[04x02] Что произошло?
178
00:12:00,231 --> 00:12:03,632
O блин, он обещал, что
не возьмёт кресла!
179
00:12:04,435 --> 00:12:08,895
Как тебя там заперли?
И где, чёрт возьми, все наши вещи?
180
00:12:09,374 --> 00:12:11,399
Этот парень пришёл,
чтобы посмотреть шкаф...
181
00:12:11,609 --> 00:12:15,010
...и сказал, что не думает, что шкаф достаточно
большой, чтобы вместить взрослого человека.
182
00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:17,712
Так ты залез туда добровольно?
183
00:12:17,915 --> 00:12:20,213
Я пытался продать его!
184
00:12:21,052 --> 00:12:24,317
Если я когда-нибудь снова встречу
этого парня, знаешь, что я сделаю?
185
00:12:24,522 --> 00:12:26,217
Согнёшься пополам?
186
00:12:27,325 --> 00:12:28,314
[01x14] А вот и Лорейн.
187
00:12:28,526 --> 00:12:32,929
И помни - никаких обменов.
Тебе - красотка. А мне - страшилище.
188
00:12:33,531 --> 00:12:34,998
- Привет, Джоуи.
- Привет.
189
00:12:37,769 --> 00:12:41,102
Так-так.
Посмотрите, кого ты нам привёл.
190
00:12:41,372 --> 00:12:43,169
Ну а ты нам кого привела?
191
00:12:45,176 --> 00:12:47,007
Она сдаёт своё пальто.
192
00:12:47,211 --> 00:12:50,510
Джоуи, я пойду смою
с рук запах такси.
193
00:12:50,715 --> 00:12:55,015
Закажешь мне бокал белого Зинфанделя,
и бокал красного для Дженис.
194
00:12:59,357 --> 00:13:00,415
Дженис?
195
00:13:05,029 --> 00:13:08,726
O мой Бог!
196
00:13:10,268 --> 00:13:12,862
[02x01] Портной Джоуи использовал меня.
197
00:13:14,305 --> 00:13:15,329
Что?
198
00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:19,040
Не может быть.
Я хожу к нему уже 12 лет.
199
00:13:19,243 --> 00:13:21,074
Он сказал, что хочет снять мерки изнутри...
200
00:13:21,279 --> 00:13:25,045
...затем он провёл рукой
вверх по моей ноге, а потом...
201
00:13:25,249 --> 00:13:26,409
Что?
202
00:13:27,118 --> 00:13:28,813
Щупал
203
00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:34,624
Но так и шьют брюки!
204
00:13:36,194 --> 00:13:40,688
- Росс, скажи, разве не так снимают мерку на брюки?
- Да, да, так и есть. В тюрьме.
205
00:13:44,402 --> 00:13:45,733
Я сказал назови один!
206
00:13:54,545 --> 00:13:58,538
- Я не могу поверить, что сделал это.
- Хватит заниматься самобичеванием.
207
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:02,345
Все люди делают ошибки.
Такое случается.
208
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:06,583
Ты случайно не забыл передать
мне какое-нибудь сообщение?
209
00:14:06,991 --> 00:14:09,459
По правде говоря, ты не очень хорош в этом.
210
00:14:09,994 --> 00:14:12,758
- Ты думаешь, он простит меня?
- Конечно.
211
00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:16,365
Но ещё важнее, чтобы
ты сам себя простил.
212
00:14:16,534 --> 00:14:19,332
- Знаете что, кажется простил.
- Уже?
213
00:14:19,504 --> 00:14:22,064
То что ты сделал, было очень плохим поступком.
214
00:14:22,306 --> 00:14:24,171
Он простит тебя.
215
00:14:24,375 --> 00:14:28,869
Я беру с собой блокнот, когда
подхожу к телефону, хорошо?
216
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:33,346
- Вы не видели, как он был зол.
- Я уверена, что он простит тебя.
217
00:14:33,518 --> 00:14:37,477
У нас у всех было такое. Ты борешься,
ты придумываешь. Вот так это работает.
218
00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:40,589
[04x01] Понадобилось два человека,
чтобы разорвать эти отношения!
219
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,817
Да! Ты и та девушка...
220
00:14:43,027 --> 00:14:45,962
...за что вчера ты взял
полную ответственность!
221
00:14:46,164 --> 00:14:49,133
Я не знал, за что беру
на себя ответственность.
222
00:14:49,333 --> 00:14:51,528
- Я не дочитал твоё письмо.
- Что?
223
00:14:51,736 --> 00:14:54,864
- Я уснул.
- Ты уснул?
224
00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:58,834
Было 5:30 утра!
225
00:14:59,043 --> 00:15:03,707
И ты накатала 18 страниц.
226
00:15:05,316 --> 00:15:06,943
С обеих сторон!
227
00:15:09,153 --> 00:15:14,022
И кстати, Y-O-U-апостроф-R-E
означает "ты".
228
00:15:14,225 --> 00:15:16,455
Y-O-U-R означает "твой".
229
00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:19,895
Не могу поверить, что думала
снова сойтись с тобой!
230
00:15:20,097 --> 00:15:21,792
Между нами всё
абсолютно кончено!
231
00:15:23,668 --> 00:15:24,965
Меня устраивает!
232
00:15:26,771 --> 00:15:29,968
И просто чтобы ты знал:
это не так уж распространено...
233
00:15:30,174 --> 00:15:34,042
...это случается не с каждым
парнем, и это не ерунда!
234
00:15:35,012 --> 00:15:36,502
Я так и знал!
235
00:15:37,715 --> 00:15:41,048
[02x12-13] - Ты не имела права встречаться с ним.
- Это просто самая нелепая...
236
00:15:41,452 --> 00:15:43,511
- Ты меня предала!
- Не предавала!
237
00:15:43,788 --> 00:15:47,315
- Нет предала! Ты предала меня..
- Ты дашь мне сказать?
238
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,489
Ты только что
дала мне щелбан?
239
00:15:52,964 --> 00:15:55,364
Ну, ты не давала
мне договорить, и я...
240
00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:57,264
Остановись!
241
00:15:58,736 --> 00:15:59,964
- Хватит.
- Хватит.
242
00:16:00,171 --> 00:16:03,402
- Хорошо. Нет, давайте не будем так делать.
- Нет!
243
00:16:04,509 --> 00:16:06,568
- Мыслите позитивно..
- Нет!
244
00:16:07,778 --> 00:16:09,837
- Мыслите позитивно.
- Нет!
245
00:16:11,115 --> 00:16:14,278
Ну хорошо, сейчас я
надеру кому-то задницу!
246
00:16:21,759 --> 00:16:25,695
Хорошо. Сейчас я вас
отпущу, если вы обе прекратите.
247
00:16:26,764 --> 00:16:29,130
- Хорошо.
- Ладно.
248
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:30,800
Так-то лучше.
249
00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:36,807
Знаете, что? Если бы мы были в тюрьме,
вы, девочки, были бы моими шестёрками.
250
00:16:44,682 --> 00:16:46,843
[03x02] Ну, приятель, вот так вот.
251
00:16:47,585 --> 00:16:51,544
Ты спрятал мою одежду,
а я надел всю твою.
252
00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:53,754
О Боже мой!
253
00:16:54,358 --> 00:16:59,421
Смотрите: я - Чендлер!
Могу ли я носить больше одежды?
254
00:17:00,698 --> 00:17:03,997
Возможно, если бы я
не пришёл без нижнего белья.
255
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:11,932
И говорю тебе: жарко, когда так одет. Лучше бы
мне не делать никаких... не знаю... упражнений.
256
00:18:04,428 --> 00:18:05,588
Джоуи?
257
00:18:06,731 --> 00:18:10,326
Специальный заказ для Джоуи! Две пиццы!
258
00:18:14,505 --> 00:18:16,564
Алло? Черт!
259
00:18:18,809 --> 00:18:19,833
Алло?
260
00:18:20,244 --> 00:18:24,305
Нет, Джоуи нет рядом,
но я могу передать ему сообщение. Я думаю.
261
00:18:25,249 --> 00:18:28,844
У него есть шанс получить эту роль?
Это отличная новость!
262
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:33,548
Нет, разумеется, не отличная для актёра,
которого покусала его собственная собака.
263
00:18:33,824 --> 00:18:36,850
Это замечательно.
Я передам Джоуи.
264
00:18:37,061 --> 00:18:38,551
Да!
265
00:18:39,463 --> 00:18:40,487
Хорошо.
266
00:18:40,965 --> 00:18:42,296
МАК...
267
00:18:42,967 --> 00:18:44,662
...пробы на роль...
268
00:18:45,536 --> 00:18:47,470
...в 14:00.
269
00:18:48,773 --> 00:18:50,138
На актёра...
270
00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:51,936
...с аллергией...
271
00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:54,668
...напали.
272
00:18:59,650 --> 00:19:02,050
Собака...
273
00:19:02,453 --> 00:19:03,852
не...
274
00:19:04,221 --> 00:19:06,712
цветы.
275
00:19:14,865 --> 00:19:17,766
- Скажи мне, что ты получил сообщение.
- Какое сообщение?
276
00:19:17,968 --> 00:19:21,529
Актёр, который должен был играть Мака,
не сможет. Они звали тебя к двум часам.
277
00:19:21,739 --> 00:19:23,900
Что? Уже 18!
278
00:19:24,108 --> 00:19:26,508
Посмотри! Я написал это на доске!
279
00:19:26,711 --> 00:19:29,373
Я записал это здесь,
потом повсюду искал тебя!
280
00:19:29,580 --> 00:19:31,411
Я был у Росса, был в кофейне...
281
00:19:31,615 --> 00:19:34,413
Я был во всех местах,
где делают сэндвичи!
282
00:19:34,952 --> 00:19:37,921
- Я не могу поверить в это, Чендлер!
- Извини.
283
00:19:38,656 --> 00:19:43,616
- Не знаю, что сказать!
- Ты можешь просто сказать: "Поздравляю!".
284
00:19:43,828 --> 00:19:47,559
Я видел надпись на доске,
я был на пробах, я получил роль!
285
00:19:48,499 --> 00:19:50,899
И это, по-твоему, смешно?
Я так волновался.
286
00:19:51,202 --> 00:19:54,365
- Прости.
- Эти "притворные" шуточки - просто
жестокие...
287
00:19:54,572 --> 00:19:58,030
О, прости меня.
Я не хотел тебя обидеть.
288
00:19:58,242 --> 00:19:59,573
Что ж, это хорошо.
289
00:19:59,777 --> 00:20:03,543
Потому что ты и не обидел!
Я ужасно рад за тебя!
290
00:20:03,714 --> 00:20:05,079
О, это жестоко.
291
00:20:07,017 --> 00:20:09,508
- Ты меня задел!
- Мы можем так продолжать весь день.
292
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,551
Да, ты прав.
293
00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:14,683
Давай лучше поговорим о том,
какой большой я стану звездой.
294
00:20:14,859 --> 00:20:17,089
Ты станешь огромной звездой!
Я собираюсь обнять тебя!
295
00:20:17,328 --> 00:20:19,125
- Давай обнимай!
- Хорошо.
296
00:20:48,092 --> 00:20:50,925
- Мы не делаем это слишком часто?
- Да, вероятно.
297
00:20:51,128 --> 00:20:53,096
- Да. Отойди от меня.
- Да.
298
00:21:00,704 --> 00:21:03,229
"С.Ы.Р.,
Я не уйду без тебя.
299
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,637
Попробую подключить резервный источник
питания через центральный процессор.
300
00:21:06,844 --> 00:21:11,247
"Я не могу! Мои схемы сгорели!
Они сгорели, говорю тебе!"
301
00:21:15,653 --> 00:21:17,553
"Тогда я понесу тебя!"
302
00:21:17,855 --> 00:21:19,846
"Это будет ловкий трюк..."
303
00:21:20,891 --> 00:21:23,416
"потому что ты сейчас умрёшь!"
304
00:21:24,728 --> 00:21:26,252
Тебе необязательно кричать.
305
00:21:26,497 --> 00:21:30,558
Только что прогремел взрыв.
У меня могло уши заложить.
306
00:21:31,702 --> 00:21:33,329
А мне показалось,
что ты прекрасно сыграл.
307
00:21:33,537 --> 00:21:36,233
На минуту я даже подумала,
"А где Росс?"
308
00:21:37,741 --> 00:21:41,336
Спасибо. А когда в первой сцене
ты знакомишься с Маком...
309
00:21:41,545 --> 00:21:43,445
- Да?
- О мой Бог. Я хочу сказать...
310
00:21:43,814 --> 00:21:44,940
Знаете, что?
311
00:21:45,149 --> 00:21:48,585
На сегодня достаточно.
Спасибо вам за помощь.
312
00:21:50,554 --> 00:21:52,351
- Ставит нам палки в колёса.
- Точно.
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